Top 5 poems, Dr. Seuss-style, about waste, fraud and abuse in Tennessee
By Chris Butler | Tennessee Watchdog
NASHVILLE — Judging by the poetry on the bathroom walls of Nashville’s Tennessee Tower, one might assume Dr. Seuss faked his own death and got a job with the state government.
No, this isn’t a story about bathroom graffiti. A consistently reliable source has provided Tennessee Watchdog with evidence of Seuss’ possible activity, even though state officials were apparently not available to confirm it Friday or Monday.
Supposedly, state officials posted this flier on the 11th floor of the building, in the handicapped portion of the women’s restroom.
Was it Seuss? Is the lack of official confirmation further evidence Tennessee Watchdog is on to a major story about Dr. Seuss’ current whereabouts? If alive, has Dr. Seuss developed an infantile fascination with how people answer nature’s call?
Chris Butler explains the fascination in Tennessee with Dr. Seuss and toilets.
CAT IN THE HAT? Is Dr. Seuss still alive — and managing a segment of the Tennessee government? Some possible new evidence seems to suggest yes.
Regardless, we think he would appreciate our efforts to mimic his style while mentioning previous examples of government waste, fraud and abuse — or just plain excessive paternalism. Please read with the same style of cadence you would read one of Seuss’ books. The first example pertains to the Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation managers, who told employees to stop flushing shoes down the toilets of the Tennessee Tower.
Please do not flush your old shoes right here.
This crapper is old, with tight space I do fear.
You flush and you flush, you do it all day.
The shoes are still there, they won’t go away.
May I suggest the outgoing trash?
That’s what’s it for, you won’t get a rash.
I wrote this poem on the taxpayers’ dime.
There’s nothing else wise to do with my time.
Remember how the Tennessee State Museum announced selfies are now legitimate art worthy of display?
I look at myself, and I look damn good.
But you look quite plain, so please wear a hood. I must capture myself, while looking so fine.
This selfie I take, this picture will shine.
The state has decreed that it is now art.
The shot was pristine, but got hurt by a dart.
A peasant got mad, and great was his aim.
He cussed and he cussed, he said I was lame.
Off to go hide, my esteem now so bad.
Sure I feel used, and taxpayers were had.
Of course, environmentalists are always driving up the cost of living, especially as it pertains to our transportation needs. One native Tennessean in particular is world-renowned for causing this problem.
Gas prices are high, they shot through the roof.
When I saw that big sign, I thought it a goof.
I just filled my tank, I filled it a lot,
I cried and I wept, my nose filled with snot.
So long to my money, I have it no more.
Who can I blame, who else but Al Gore?
Tennessee Watchdog traveled to Memphis for a news conference last year to ask now former Secretary of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius what she would say to people whose health-care costs have risen because of Obamacare. Sebelius decided not to answer our question, and the conference came to a sudden end.
Obamacare made my health-care costs rise.
Double they did, Barack told some lies.
Now I have less for food and my rent.
I’ll save me some money, I’ll live in a tent.
Tennessee Watchdog has always questioned whether other media outlets are looking out for the taxpayers’ best interests. More often than not, it seems they champion big government spending, whether it’s millions for the Nashville Amp or whining about the state registering Obamacare navigators. They better be careful about that, as well as their over-reliance on Associated Press content — or else they might publish themselves out of business.
The media drones, they fall right in line.
They chirp and they chirp, they so lack a spine.
Big government’s good, they always do say.
The less they do check, the more we will pay.
There’s fraud and there’s waste, but they never care.
They never will look, not even a dare.
The stories they run they get from the wire.
With no fresh content, no more will they hire.
Contact Christopher Butler at chris@tennesseewatchdog.org. or follow him and submit story ideas on his official Facebook page.
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