Don’t even think about serving margarine, throwing snowballs or shooting birds in WI

By Adam Tobias | Wisconsin Reporter

MADISON, Wis. – In Wisconsin, dairy is king.

Maybe that’s why state statutes prohibit serving margarine to students, patients or inmates of any state institution as a substitute for table butter.

Doing so could result in a fine of up to $500 and no more than three months in prison.

But the obsession with dairy doesn’t exactly explain some of the other outlandish laws on the books of Wisconsin and its cities.

Here are seven other state and municipal codes that make as much sense as a screen door on a submarine:

1. Speaking of screens, all residents in Hudson must have screens on their doors and windows from May 1 to Oct. 1 to protect against mosquitoes and other insects.

It should also prevent those inconsiderate hooligans from stealing pies cooling down on window sills.

2. No nuclear weapons, or the waste from the production such weapons, are allowed in Sun Prairie.

That’s a sigh of relief. At least we don’t have to worry about Godzilla destroying this Madison suburb.

3. Bicyclists in Sun Prairie cannot ride their bikes on city streets without their feet on the pedals, nor can they remove their hands from the handlebars or practice any “fancy riding.”

Why do unicyclists get to have all the fun?

4. Missiles may not be shot at parade participants in Racine.

Thanks goodness we got that one out of the way.

5. Snowballs cannot be thrown at any person or public building in Wausau.

What’s next? Banning water balloons?

6. It’s unlawful for any person to camp in wagons or tents on Wisconsin’s public highways.

Because nothing says roughing it like dodging oncoming traffic while trying to make S’mores.

7. Only police officers in the line of duty can injure or destroy birds in Sheboygan.

Looks like Daffy Duck, Bird Bird and Foghorn Leghorn have a new home where they don’t have to live in fear.

Contact Adam Tobias at atobias@watchdog.org or follow him on Twitter @Scoop_Tobias