“Look under every rock, turn over every rock on the playground, find me the money.”—President Obama in a speech to his staff, January 2009
“This is awesome, I keep turning over rocks, and under every rock I keep finding new things to tax.”—Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, March 2009
“As Administrator, I will ensure EPA’s efforts to address the environmental crises of today are rooted in three fundamental values: science-based policies and programs, adherence to the rule of law, and overwhelming transparency.”—Administrator Lisa Jackson, January 23 2009

Jul 5, 11:46 AM EDT
EPA’s Lisa Jackson Proposes New EPA Green House Gas Regulation for Domestic Pets
“The American Domestic Partner Clean Air Security Act of 2009”
WASHINGTON (AP) In this great country we have millions of dog owners and they all love their pets, I too am a dog lover but the inconvenient truth is that the population of U.S. domestic dogs is contributing greatly to “Climate Change”. The staggering “carbon footprint” from the total U.S. dog population has been destroying the Earth’s atmosphere for quite some time and their combined total GHG “green house gas” emissions are staggering. Sadly the total output of GHG from U. S. dogs alone is larger than all the combined pencil factories in China or to put it another way, all the Dell and HP helpdesks in India. We can no longer ignore or be ambivalent regarding “Climate Change,” Al Gore has proven time and again that the science and research is just too overwhelming to be denied. As Americans we are all charged now with “Saving the Mother Ship…and in this case, one doggy at a time”.
Today the EPA is proud to announce the “American Domestic Partner Clean Air Security Act of 2009” a sweeping proposal to detect and harness domestic pet flatulence here in the U.S. thereby reducing global warming pollution and speeding the transition to a clean energy economy. I am strongly recommending to President Obama that the infamous EPA “Cow Fart Tax” proposal be substantially broadened to include all U.S. domestic household dogs. The catalyst for this legislation will be known simply as the “Bad Lil’ Doggy Emissions Tax” or BLDET. The BLDET tax will be a tier based tax, using income levels and breed criteria to set taxed emission amounts. Some exemptions will be allowed under the plan in the first few years, most notably exempting all union households for obvious reasons. The EPA’s goal for this climate legislation is to reduce GHG by controlling the domestic pet population and ultimately reaching zero domestic pet emissions by 2050. The program will initially begin with only domestic dogs but has built in expansion plans to include all domestic pets by 2020.
The EPA has hammered out some guidelines similar to those recently set forth for the methane producing beef and dairy cattle, sheep and swine industries. 
Some of the highlights of the proposal are as follows:
Ownership of all domestic dogs will require a federal permit, each household will be allowed no more than two permits for indoor and one permit for outdoor dogs. Outdoor permits will be substantially greater due to the increased “doggy” GHG released into the atmosphere. Outdoor habitation of all dogs will be phased out by 2050.  Each individual domestic household dog will need to be identified and tracked for their indoor / outdoor activities therefore all dogs will be required to have RFID chip implants by 2010. All new outdoor dog habitations (pet methane collectors) will be required to have white roofs and be equipped with methane gas busters and collectors. All existing outdoor dog habitations (dog houses) will require retrofitting and certification by 2012.
Other factors and criteria such as dog size and weight, as well as pedigree will also determine the amount of “Bad Lil’ Doggy Emissions Tax” for each dog. There will be tax incentives and credits established for purchasing “green” dog food, spaying, having regular veterinary checkups, the purchase and use of anti-gas medications and all dog owners will be encouraged to purchase indoor doggy potty stations to keep as much GHG inside their homes and out of the atmosphere. One of the ultimate goals of this EPA regulation is to eradicate all outdoor dog habitations by 2050 there by accomplishing a “zero barks, zero gas” policy.
There is no doubt that the average daily cost of dog care will increase dramatically with this climate legislation, however the Obama administration wants to assure the public that they will be ready to provide tax incentives, tax credits, rebates, food stamps along with a plethora of other government assistance checks to offset increases and assist those less fortunate who cannot afford their monthly “Bad Lil’ Doggy Emissions Tax”.
Echoing what the President said last week, regarding “Cap and Trade”, this legislation should also be considered a “jobs bill”. Not only will we be saving the planet by reducing doggy gas but climate engineering is a positive “green” jobs creator. Imagine all the people this will put to work monitoring all those RFID chips, building methane gas busters and new dog houses.
EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson