Why I am not Credible
Go ahead. I challenge you to prove that my life was an entire lie.
Links to studies/publications:
Mycoplasma
Scared? It’s on a French site too!
and much much more…
However, since a lot of you are taking stabs at my rape because I chose to talk about it after 3 years, I will adress this issue also.
I was constantly pressured and threatened by my boyfriend to perform sexual acts. I really didn’t want to go out with him in the first place but he rode the bus with me and lived just a walk away. He would stalk me to my house and would say a lot of things I believed weren’t true (and he made them true). He wore a military jacket with his name it every day. He’d call me all the time so I would only have time for him, and I wasn’t allowed to be around other boys. I couldn’t stand talking to him or not doing what I wanted to do. All I wanted was some time alone.
He wouldn’t leave me alone, and he always thought I was cheating on him because somehow I didn’t have time for him when I was doing my homework. I felt like there was no way out. I’d tried to ignore him and told him many times I didn’t want him any more. He just continued what he was doing. He raped me at the end of January 2003 (of course that was not the only time he did things to me that I didn’t want). It was after school, and I’d told him no several times but he still wanted it.
I had blood coming out of me, gushing out when I’d try to laugh it off. I was hoping it was just a nightmare. I thought maybe it would stop, but it didn’t. My exboyfriend gave me something to drink after I yelled at him. It wasn’t enough.
I bled through my pants, a bath towel, socks, and several toilet bowls. I didn’t feel so well and this bloody thing came out of me. It was like a ball and it looked like a brain or something. It just slipped out. I was blacking out and my exboyfriend refused to call 911 so I told him I’d drag my body over there and call it myself if he wasn’t going to do it (as a threat).
So he eventually called it and they got there just in time to get me out. I had passed out and couldn’t hear them when they entered the room to ask me questions. I sat in the emergency room for I don’t know how long. It was past midnight or 1am when someone came back in to tell me what was wrong.
I had a 7cm tear in my vagina. If I’d had an inch more, my intestines would have fallen out. They were checking to see if I needed a blood transfusion, but I was lucky that I was just borderline. They told me I had to tell people that I was raped, and I should never do it again.
They sucked the blood out earlier to see where the hole was because my blood wasn’t clotting. Then they put me to sleep and sewed me up. I was put on iron pills for 6 weeks and told that I couldn’t put so much as a tampon up there or it would ruin it. If it healed well, I could reproduce.
They did pretty much the equivalent of a D & C on me. They said there was no chance of me being pregnant because the blood was coming out so fast, etc.
I wasn’t allowed to carry a lot of weight and needed a lot of water. My exboyfriend saw me when I got back to school and told me that he thought I was dead (so he naturally moved on to go work on another girl). He pretended to be happy to see me and continued to ask for sex. I’d always made up excuses for not having sex, but even telling him that having sex would kill me by reopening the hole was not enough to get him to stop harassing for at least the next 6 weeks.
I cut him off in late 2004 because I found that other people were treating me better, and I was finally able to get away from him. He left more than 27 messages on my phone over one weekend, with some of them containing threats. He’d talked to me saying that he’d shoot me if he saw me again. My room mate and my new boyfriend had heard the messages on my phone (and a lot of them were empty or just breathing) but while I was going over them, I accidentally deleted the important ones. The mention of the words from other people was not enough to get a restraining order.
My ex had mentioned that he took sleeping pills and swallowed an engagement ring he had bought me (and not told me about), and that he meant to die but someone found him. I’m sure he may have lied, but it’s still not a nice thing to say.
You’re all welcome to criticize the fact that I’ve been raped with plenty of evidence. If I went to court today, I would not be able to face those people and tell them. I’m able to say it here because it is a faceless arena. If I went today, I would not get back what I need. He would get a light prison sentence and that is all.
