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Thursday, October 19, 2006

The New Police Department Answering Machine

Fun stuff (if you have a sense of humor)

The following is a transcript of the new answering machine to be installed soon at your local department (because we care):

Hello, you’ve reached the Police Department voice mail. Please pay close attention as we update choices as new and unusual circumstances arrive. Please select from the following options:

To whine about us not doing anyhting to solve a problem you created: Press 1

To inquire as to whether someone has to die before we do something to fix a problem: Press 2

To report an officer for your perception of bad manners when in reality the officer is trying to keep your neighborhood safe: Press 3

If you’d like us to raise your children: Press 4

If you’d like us to take control of your life due to your chemical dependancy: Press 5

If you’d like us to instantly restore order to a situation that took years to deteriorate: Press 6

To provide a list of officers that you personally know so that we won’t take enforcement action against you: Press 7

To sue us, or tell us that you pay our salary and will have our badges or to proclaim our career is over: Press 8

To whine about a ticket and/or to complain about the many other uses for police other than keeping your dumb ass in line: Press 9

Please note that your call may be monitored to assure proper customer support, and remember, we are here to save your ass, not kiss it. Have a nice day.

Comments

Pilgrim:  I’m concerned that I get voicemail when I call 911.  Where do I complain?

<center>smilesmilesmile</center>


What’s going to happen to US industry when the global warming extremists like John McCain double the price of electricity?  I would think all these factories will close and set up in countries where they aren’t scared of technology.


The Whistler's signature
The Whistler on October 19, 2006 at 07:18 am
Rob
Rob
17534 comments
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To sue us, or tell us that you pay our salary and will have our badges or to proclaim our career is over: Press 8

I always cringe when I hear someone toss that one out.  “I pay your salary.” Yeah, you pay like 1/100,000th of the guy’s yearly salary.  Come off it.


When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.

-- Thomas Jefferson

Rob’s recently listened-to songs:

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Rob on October 19, 2006 at 07:46 am

Well it’s not unheard of to need to remind a police officer that they work for the community.

I’m not saying most cops are like that Pilgrim!


What’s going to happen to US industry when the global warming extremists like John McCain double the price of electricity?  I would think all these factories will close and set up in countries where they aren’t scared of technology.


The Whistler's signature
The Whistler on October 19, 2006 at 07:49 am

Whistler,

Press “00” to file that complaint. Really.


Election ‘08 - We Are So Screwed

Pilgrim on October 19, 2006 at 07:50 am

"keep your dumb ass in line” That right there is a major problem. That ideology. Whose line are we expected to get on our knees in? Cause I don’t get on my knees in anyone’s line. I break the law, fine, write me a ticket. Think I or mine are going to cower down and beg because of a badge on a shirt, got another think coming. We are not the problem, and we damn well will not be treated as if we are. Fuck that.


Una Salus Victus Nullam Sperare Salutem

2Hotel9 on October 19, 2006 at 04:13 pm

It’s a JOKE, hotel....a joke. I prefaced the post by saying it’s funny if you have a sense of humor. Obviously it offended you. That wasn’t my intent.

Why is it that people can insult or demean cops but if it is perceived that the humor is pointed in the other direction it is greeted with this type of reaction? The shoe evidently doesn’t fit so well on the other foot.

Anyway....didn’t mean to offend this time. Just thought it was funny.


Election ‘08 - We Are So Screwed

Pilgrim on October 19, 2006 at 04:32 pm

I got the whole joke thing. Only problem is, this is how alot of younger law enforcement officers see the world.
Cops.
Criminals.
Convicts.
Citizens are just criminals who are not yet convicts. This attitude is becoming more common, and too many people are willing to bow down and accept being treated as property.
Pil, I have really tried to stay out of the whole cop/citizen debate. Rob and Toot and Gene and Lik and r108 and ZZ all know where I come down in this. People need to involve cops and lawyers in their lives a whole lot less. And yes, I do know somewhat about law enforcement and I do know several cops. Related to a few. Damn near became a MS Highway Patrol officer.
I have watched the change over the last 20 years. Seen how the attitudes have shifted. And not for the better. To many young bloods see it as a power trip.  And it is permeating through the whole justice system, from the Feds down. Used to be Feds had that God thing, now it is becoming far more pervassive.
You been a municipal cop all your time? Haven’t you seen the shift? Change has been in the wind a long time, and it ain’t good. How big is your Depts SWAT team now? How often do they roll out? Are you really comfortable with more and more cops being equiped in combat gear. Faces masked, no badges visible. Warrants presented after doors are kicked in and people shot. Is that the law enforcement you grew up seeing? Shit is changing, and not for the better.


Una Salus Victus Nullam Sperare Salutem

2Hotel9 on October 19, 2006 at 05:47 pm

Agreed, Hotel, shit is changing and not for the better.

A friend from a different agency was commenting on just that the other day. He and I joined about the same time, were patrolmen at the same time, sergeants, then lieutenants. His comment is that the new breed, “skinhead cops” he calls them, are prevalent these days, and that they don’t treat the public the same as we did. He’s right, sadly.

The flip side of that is that the new breed hired these days are more educated. The “good ol’ boy” days are over, or at least fading fast. Most of our new hires have at least an Associates Degree, some have Bachelors, some have both. One of our new guys has a Masters.

As far as the SWAT team goes...standard 10 man stack. And, yes, they have all the military style toys, It has to be understood, though, that those changes reflect the necessity of today. The bad guys don’t have six-shooters any more, and will not hesitate to kill a cop. Look at the latest Florida incident. There are even cop-killer video games out there that are very popular. No, we don’t take chances any more, or assume that nothing will happen on an approach to a house or car. I consider it part of my job to go home to my beautiful wife everyday. I’m looking forward to hanging it all up for good in the near future and sit on my back porch naked smoking dope.

Like you said, shit has changed and not for the better.


Election ‘08 - We Are So Screwed

Pilgrim on October 20, 2006 at 05:29 am

I think it’s unhealthy that it’s very unfortunate that there’s an us vs them mentality seen between the citizens and the police.


What’s going to happen to US industry when the global warming extremists like John McCain double the price of electricity?  I would think all these factories will close and set up in countries where they aren’t scared of technology.


The Whistler's signature
The Whistler on October 20, 2006 at 05:33 am

Criminals know they can get a scumbag lawyer and game the system, and they also know 99% of cops won’t just shoot their stupid ass, allowing them to get a scumbag lawyer and game the system. On the other hand, a law abiding citizen defending their home and family get the SWAT treatment and are painted by the local press as the bad guy. Crack dealing,meth cooking scumbags get the full benefit of the “innocent until proven guilty” clause, ditto rapists,child-molestors, and lawyer scum. Real citizens get fucked. Why? Because our system protects criminals and shits on real citizens. How and when did this become the norm? Who fought, tooth&nail, to make scumbags the top priority in our legal system, and to strip real citizens of all rights and protection? Which political party did this? What was, and is, their motivation for persuing this course of action?
This are not difficult questions, and once you accept the answers you are on the road to recovery. We all are.


Una Salus Victus Nullam Sperare Salutem

2Hotel9 on October 20, 2006 at 01:01 pm
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