Say Anything Blog

Having worked with Autistic children for the past five years, I sincerely believe that those children that grow and thrive do not gain ground because of government money or programs, but because they were fortunate enough to have parents and/or family and teachers that didn’t believe they were sacrificing a damn thing, they didn’t see the financial costs as being a factor, they decided they would fight for thse children to have the very best opportunities for growth. They sought out the best programs and fought to get their children the help they needed.

One such child I had in my class was seen as handicapped by his parents and indulged in aberrant behavior, he masturbated in public, picked his ass and licked the crap off his fingers, cursed, took off his clothes in public, could be very violent and was a damn mess. His aunt didn’t have a damn dime extra, but she took on the job of raising him and first, outside of every program, she decided that he would not be allowed to continue this unacceptable, disgusting behavior. She was tough as nails, I called her a Marine Drill Instructor. Within 7 months this kid stopped all this unaceptable behavior, began relating to others around him, was then able to be educated, she got him in some good programs and he is growing every day.

I have twins that spent all their time screaming at each other and were not open to any normal communication, by tough love and a pursuit of the best programns by their parents and teachers both are developing quite well, and one of them is able to hold fairly normal, extended conversations and is no longer afraid of human, physical contact.

My point is, I commend the government and private charities in developing good programs, and I deeply appreciate all the good people like you that are involved and helping these families; but I don’t like the idea that money is the solution to a damn thing. It is people that love these children and are willing to invest the time and labor in helping them grow that makes all the difference, money is window dressing and anything involving the government is tainted by bureaucratic stupidity.

No matter the age or state of health, for a military man it is always glorious to tilt at windmills, rescue a fair Dulcinea and be a gallant knight in armor in a glorious cause.

I think you missed the point of the study. Families routinely take a hit, often several significant hits, for the purpose caring for their loved ones. They make choices regarding the care of their loved ones that ultimately cost them financially and emotionally. The costs are hidden in where families choose to live, the kinds of jobs they choose to take, the amount of energy spent working with teachers and the district (often fighting to the point of hiring lawyers). That is exacerbated by the fact that there are not appropriate services available for them to do so. Had appropriate services been available the young person you describe may not have gotten to the state that you described.

Just curious, did you consider why he behaved the way he did beyond your estimation that his mother did not give a damn?

I am saying:

1) Money and government programs are not the answer to everything in life.
2) Too many people in our society accept and encourage families to accept arbitrary limitaions that need not be accepted.
3) Aggressive, loving parents, teachers and others make the difference between growth and life time dependence upon the government.
4) I have seen the same differences in children with Downs Syndrome, a compassionate, crippling government, an acceptance of limitations and a desire to throw money at problems when dedicated, uncompromising parents and teachers can make all the difference.
5) I don’t care if one or all of the children I mentioned behaved that way for whatever reason, what is needed is a personal demand by caregivers that these children be able to behave decently around other human beings and that they are helped to grow to their maximum potential. That approach works wonders, while the false compassion of liberals guarantees serious liftime limitations and dependence upon others.

No matter the age or state of health, for a military man it is always glorious to tilt at windmills, rescue a fair Dulcinea and be a gallant knight in armor in a glorious cause.

1) Money and government programs are not the answer to everything in life.
2) Too many people in our society accept and encourage families to accept arbitrary limitaions that need not be accepted.

I’m not arguing that money and the government is the answer to everything in life. Neither, as far as I can tell, are the authors of this study. If anything they argue that the issue of what it costs families to care for their loved ones, and why, needs to be studied further.

Having said that it is a little easier to sleep at night when you know you have someplace to go (a clinic with well trained staff who can diagnose and offer treatment for what ails you or your loved one without having to bankrupt yourself to pay for it for example) to get help for your loved one. Currently with regards to autism (and a lot of other disabilities) those places are few and far between.

3) Aggressive, loving parents, teachers and others make the difference between growth and life time dependence upon the government.

True. I would argue that it is a good use of resources to equip said individuals with the tools to succeed at their chosen task.

4) I have seen the same differences in children with Downs Syndrome, a compassionate, crippling government, an acceptance of limitations and a desire to throw money at problems when dedicated, uncompromising parents and teachers can make all the difference.

Clarify please? I’m well aware that government help often turns out to be a stumbling block. I’d like to see the help that the government offers actually be helpful.

5) I don’t care if one or all of the children I mentioned behaved that way for whatever reason, what is needed is a personal demand by caregivers that these children be able to behave decently around other human beings and that they are helped to grow to their maximum potential. That approach works wonders, while the false compassion of liberals guarantees serious liftime limitations and dependence upon others.

How can you help someone if you don’t care what’s actually causing their problem? Or do you assume that you already know? How is that any different from throwing money at a problem without fully assessing what the problem is and what is likely to succeed at correcting it?

I don’t see any of this as a liberal versus conservative issue. I think people use the liberal/conservative divide as a crutch to support their unwillingness to address these issues. Idiot liberals are screwing us over, heartless conservatives don’t care about the children. Round and round it goes and the people who could use a bit of help continue to get screwed.

What has been tried so far by liberals and conservatives hasn’t worked all that well. Granted things are much much better than the days when nearly everyone who was considered not-quite-right got carted off to an institution to rot or hidden away at home while those who could pass as normal (if a little odd) went through life without a clue about what made their lives so challenging. But still this is America land of the free and home of the brave. I think we should do our best to give everyone their shot at the American dream.

How can you help someone if you don’t care what’s actually causing their problem?

When I say I don’t care it does not mean I have no compassion and deep concern for the child. It does not mean I don’t pay attention to every part of his/her life to try and determine what may be going on in their life that might cause them to act out inappropriately. All my special needs children, Downs, Autism, psychotic or other problems love seeing me every morning as do their parents because they know these things to be true. So, let us put the I don’t care in proper perspective.

I can only answer you with a story: I told you of the Autistic kid that exhibited very bizarre behavior, sexual and more gross kinds. His Aunt had to be the primary caregiver thank God, she had to direct his care and get him into the system and get him educated. Teachers and other family members wanted to treat him like he was handicapped, a tragic person to be pitied and so his behavior was not getting resolved. The Aunt said “bullshit,” he will behave in public and stop doing these things, the biggest reason being he would never learn until he knew he had to behave in certain ways to learn. She gave him tough love, lots of correction, she demanded the teachers demand certain behavior of him and stop treating him with pity and just accepting the anti-social behavior. That effort caused him over time to stop the unacceptable behavior, which in turn helped him start to pay attention and begin to learn to communicate and learn to learn. The Aunt’s tough love was a positive remedy to this behavior and not once did the Aunt say, “why is he doing this or that?” She just said “bullshit” and she determined that he would not fall through the cracks through benign neglect and because of others thinking incorrectly that they were being kind, by allowing his anti-social behavior to continue.

That is what I mean! The cause was much less important that addressing the behavior directly and it succeeded. Had the Aunt asked why, she would have been flooded with meaningless psycho-babble and she probably would have been paralyzed to do anything at all and that kid would still exhibit anti-social behavior and have never started learning and growing.

You must understand I do think it is a liberal problem, they run our school systems, special needs programs and they do not expect basic, normal obedience to simple rules; and they are content to give up if the child does not progress on their own. That is because of a misplaced and harmful sense of compassion that demands nothing of the recipients of their charitable care. They want money, money, money and if they get enough money that will solve everything. When what these children really need is devoted, loving parents and teachers that expect these children to grow in life and will accept nothing else. So, I am sorry to disagree with you but I think this is very much a liberal issue.

No matter the age or state of health, for a military man it is always glorious to tilt at windmills, rescue a fair Dulcinea and be a gallant knight in armor in a glorious cause.

The why informs the how. When you turn up at your doctor’s office with a fever the doctor usually tries to determine what gave you the fever before he or she moves on to determining what course of treatment would be appropriate. I don’t think it’s a waste of time to take the same kind of approach with children or adults with special needs. Asking why can be as simple (or complex) as observing what proceeds the undesired behaviour. Which then gives you the option of eliminating the negative stimulus or training the individual to respond more appropriately to it. I get the impression (particularly with the “psycho-babble” comment) that you thought I meant something else?

I fully understand that you think it is a liberal problem alone. I think that you are wrong (something we can both agree on, ha) . It is easy to complain that “they” have screwed things up. It is not so easy to acknowledge that “we” haven’t done much better and that “they” didn’t act in a vacuum. While “we” are busy laying the blame at “their” feet people are languishing.

And just in case you don’t hear this often enough (cause you probably don’t), thanks for caring and thanks for trying to help.