Say Anything Blog

Virgil, Quick Come See!

by Chris Dovi

Revisionist historians and Southern apologists, please avert your eyes.

First Robert E. Lee lost the Southern cause, now one of his more recent rear-guard actions has him in hot water in Henrico County Circuit Court.

It seems the rears that this Lee — of the 8000 block of Creighton Parkway in Mechanicsville — tried guarding were not among his assigned duties as an assistant manager at the Virginia Center Commons Sears in March 2006.

No, the rears in question were trying on bathing suits in the ladies’ dressing room, above which Lee had taken up a scouting post. The action has already earned Lee two convictions for peeping.

Now Lee’s being sued for $2.7 million — that’s federal currency, not Confederate bonds. The facts: One of Lee’s victims, a pre-pubescent girl, happened to glance up to notice Lee watching her through the ceiling tiles and reported it to store officials.

After Lee surrendered to Henrico Police, investigators discovered the Sears manager had created a makeshift masturbatorium from a service platform just above the ladies’ dressing rooms.

It appeared to investigators that the prefab peeping hutch had been in use for quite some time, the victim’s lawsuit alleges, and that Lee admitted to watching the girl and her mother trying on bathing suits.

“During the search of the room, police officials recovered sexually explicit magazines and seminal fluids,” the suit says.

Masturbatorium? Is that even a word?

Sheesh.. the night they drove ol’ Dixie down they forgot this guy.  Well, don’t worry, hopefully...this Southern boy ain’t gonna rise again.

H/T SondraK of course