Say Anything Blog

I recently purchased one of those cool-looking Rasta hats, with a Charlie-Brown-shirt-style jagged red, yellow, and green pattern, to cover my voluminous hairstyle and protect my head from the summer chill. During the initial trial wear, however, I encountered a problem: My hair is very, very short, not voluminous, so I had some trouble filling my new hair hammock out. When I donned it, my head was warmer, but it just looked like I was balancing a leaky beanbag on my head, and the aesthetic was horrendous.

I’ve tried several solutions. I’ve tried growing my hair, but I’ve not the time for that crap. I settled upon the idea of stuffing:
My first attempt was to fill it with empty beer cans, but that made me look kinda like Lisa Simpson.
I then tried crepe paper, but that infernal crinkling sound made conversation impossible.
I thought myself a genius when I settled on wool; then, a humid day came, and the wool went all gimpy on me - the hat deflated, the wool cascaded about my shoulders, and I looked like a fat Johnny Winter.

Can anyone please help me? I really need to wear my head sweater; I went without it last week, when the temperature only reached 90 degF - my head must have been at a frigid 87. Any advice would be tremendously appreciated, especially with bleak August quickly approaching.