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Tuesday, December 11, 2007


New Life Church or Virginia Tech?

Steve H. Graham

I Choose New Life

I can’t resist making this comparison.

SCENARIO ONE: ASSAULT ON A CHURCH FULL OF BACKWARD CONSERVATIVES

There is a church. Lots of people are inside. They believe Jesus is the living Son of God and part of the Holy Trinity. A person who can’t be reasoned with shows up to kill as many as possible. He has already killed two people at another church. He kills two girls in the parking lot, but when he gets inside, a private citizen with a carry permit shoots him over and over, and he gives up and shoots himself.

“Vigilante” death tally: 2

SCENARIO TWO: ASSAULT ON A CHURCH FULL OF PROGRESSIVE LIBERALS

There is a church. Lots of people are inside. They believe Jesus is a dead and possibly fictional homosexual who was misguided but nearly as nice as Buddha. A person who can’t be reasoned with shows up to kill as many as possible. He has already killed two smug androgynous salespeople at a nearby Apple Store. He kills two girls in the parking lot. When he gets inside, the congregation notices that he’s shooting people, and they get angry at George Bush for whatever he and Halliburton did to turn this boy into a killer. A few quick-thinking souls rush forward to give him hugs, but he drops them in the aisles. There are no guns on the property except his, so he shoots until he runs out of bullets or the cops show up. Oops, the cops take ten minutes, or 600 seconds. By that time, he has fired several hundred rounds at a fairly relaxed pace, and nearly everyone in the place is dead or wounded. The cops arrive to find him dead.

Progressive death tally: dozens

Which church would you rather be in when the nut shows up?

It’s a damn good thing Jeanne Assam wasn’t at Virginia Tech. She might have hindered the campus police by killing Seung-Hui Cho before he managed to murder 33 people. This could have created a lot of annoying paperwork and might have been a dangerous setback to the gun control movement.

Oh, yeah. Taking away guns and relying on the cops did a world of good at Virgina Tech. If only the unwashed savages at the New Life Church were as enlightened as the academics who banned guns on the Virginia Tech campus. They, too, could have known the joy of giving their lives so others could enjoy the privilege of living in a gun-free zone.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be flippant. But how do people get this goddamn stupid?

H/T Hog On Ice

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