I discovered SayAnythingBlog exactly six months ago and have spent more time here than I can afford. My therapist calls it an addiction and says the damage to my mind and ego are not permanent. More about that later.
I have tried to figure out what professional sport would be analogous to surfing SAB. Tennis was an early choice - the lobbing back and forth thing - but that sport is way too genteel and civil. Sifted through pro football, curling, sky diving and sumo wrestling when it finally hit me. Hockey!!
Probably the world’s fastest and most dangerous sport, hockey and SAB were a perfect match! Where else is it legal to whack someone with a stick? Body-slam? Grin toothlessly at your sprawling opponent and once in a million slaps, actually score?
And where else would otherwise intelligent, civilized folks gather to opine, debate, argue, rage, whine, display wisdom and foolishness, give and take offense, insult and flatter, drive one’s blood-pressure to near lethal levels and then go to bed? Hell, what’s not to like?
Let’s be honest here… we all are political junkies, Rush Limbaugh and George Will wanna-be’s [my shrink calls it projection - I call it awesome...] and thwarted presidents. Our moms all said we
could be one someday. Right?
Anyway, back to hockey. I’ve gotten so warped that I’ve actually assembled a team roster. Sorry I can’t include
everyone , but here goes…
Coach Port: Junk-food addict, spends a lot of time dieting. Sometimes blows the whistle and has taken the puck away when we get really bad.
Rodney Graves: Spends much of the game
thinking about the game. Often scores late in the third period.
Neiman: Gentle goal-keeper who prays that no one gets hurt. Like Pilgrim, a real saint.
Anna: Ticket-taker, but lots of people get in free because she's busy thumbing through Playgirl.
robert108: Intense forward. Prides himself on knowing the game better than the NHL commissioner.
LaydownSally: Silver-tongued front-office manager. Doesn’t play, but analyzes everyone else’s game, while Zsa Zsa works the phones.
RealityBasedBob: No match would be complete without him, but spends most of his time in the penalty box.
BatWing: A player’s player. Odd thing though; hangs by his feet in a dark corner of the locker room.
Whistler: good on offense, rarely gets caught by the ref when face-masking.
Hannitized: Annoying but interesting rookie, still has trouble skating.
Goon: Born to body-slam. ‘nuff said.
2hotel9: Frequently fined for abusive language, his stick is lethal.
Proof: tough on offense, can slide gracefully into the wall when down.
Chief RZ: Experienced, steady, convinced the other team is all communist.
Sparkie: Rumor has it he might be traded to the minors along with ellinas and Puzzlefeet.
Carrick: Good player, learned the sport on Wikipedia.
DocDave: Good in a face-off, nasty on defense.
Me: Newbie, prefers center-ice, frequently gets caught trying to insert a new puck in the game. [along with McKracken...]
My therapist says doing stuff like this is good for me. I hope so. I’ve been taking my meds. My hands aren’t shaking so much anymore and I drink less.
I have lots more I want to say, but I gotta go. McCain is getting ready to speak. I am
sooo excited!