Say Anything Blog

John Cressbeckler, an independent from the Black Hills is attracting voters who feel McCain is not grizzled and ornery enough.

McCain has refused to speak to leaders of hostile foreign nations, whereas Cressbeckler has refused to ever speak to a foreigner in his life. He sports a wooden leg from his service in the Spanish American war, and while McCain has spent the last 20 years in washington, Cressbeckler has been living in a mountain shack with no running water, or indoor plumbing, making him a true beltway outsider.

“I like him, he’s mad all the time”

“McCain is old, but is he old enough?

“I’m voting for a man who I can imagine drowning a bag of cats”

“You can’t put a bucket over a pig’s head, it’ll just make him skittish!”

“Americans is a man who relies on hisself!”

Far from the first time our lovely ex-mayor (and I do say ex with such vindication) has been at the center of a massive nationwide joke.

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Detroit. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, “What’s the hold up?”. The man replies, “Terrorists have kidnapped Kwame Kilpatrick! They are asking for a $10 Million ransom, otherwise they’ll douse him in gasoline and set him on fire! We’re going around collecting donations!”

“Well, how much is the average donation?”

...

“Oh… about a gallon”