Frank J, guest posting over at Right Wing News, has put up a guide for appealing to the left-wing blogosphere aimed at 2008 Democrat candidates.

A couple of these are a little unfair, but most of them are knee-slappingly funny:

TIPS TO APPEALING TO THE LEFT-WING BLOGOSPHERE

OUT: Pride in this country.
IN: Apologizing effusively to the rest of the world for America’s very existence.

OUT: Harsh rhetoric directed towards terrorists.
IN: Harsh rhetoric directed towards Joe Lieberman.

OUT: A gruff demeanor that exudes authority.
IN: Silky hair and a winning smile.

OUT: Respect for the military.
IN: Making sure those brainwashed, kill-bots don’t turn on the public.

OUT: Soaking ourselves in the blood of our enemies.
IN: Pretty red ribbons.

OUT: Death for Islamic extremists.
IN: Hugs for Islamic extremists.

OUT: Concern for large national threats against our very way of life.
IN: Broadband internet for the poor.

OUT: New weapons for devastating our enemies.
IN: Collages of America’s injustices.

OUT: Vowing to bring terrorists to justice.
IN: Vowing to bring the Bush Administration to justice.

OUT: Fighting real problem like Islamic extremism and nuclear weapons.
IN: Fighting made up problems like global warming or any other threat that can be fought through recycling instead of bullets.

OUT: Testicles.
IN: Rainbows.

Read the whole thing.