Hoo, boy, I’ve heard some doozies when it comes to excuses for not going to work but I think this one is the winner:

PASCO, Wash. - What happened to faking a cough?

Sheriff’s detectives in Franklin County, Washington, say a man had his friend shoot him in the shoulder so he wouldn’t have to go to work.

When he first spoke with deputies, Daniel Kuch (kooch) told them he’d been the victim of a drive-by shooting while he was jogging Thursday. But detectives say Kuch later acknowledged that he asked a friend to shoot him so he could get some time off work and avoid a drug test.

The friend has been arrested for investigation of reckless endangerment. Kuch is expected to be charged with false reporting.

Detectives aren’t saying where Kuch works or whether he still has a job.

I think I’ll just stick with the old, I-have-a-cold routine. Works every time.

A salute to Hot Air for this one.