I am sympathetic to poor people having to pay these $3 per gallon gasoline prices. I also want to do something to preserve the GOP's majority in America.

It is a proven fact that gasoline prices have no discernable impact on the lives of people earning over $60,000/year. It is also true, according to statistical analysis, that people earning $60,000 per year or more vote overwhelmingly Republican. Unless, of course, they marry into or inherit the money like John Kerry or Ted Kennedy, or are high-earning, idiot celebrities who stumble upon money mindlessly.

Average Joe Pinot Noir (he’s now better than Joe Sixpack) won’t be as stupid as those people.

So,if we just raise the minimum wage to $29 per hour we will, in one fell swoop, eliminate the impact high oil and gas prices has on working people and ensure that the Republicans will win elections from that day forward.

I know there will be naysayers. I can hear them now. And I know it might increase unemployment a bit. The underground economy and illegal immigration would probably flourish. It would also likely destroy small business in America and would be highly inflationary as the Wal-Mart's of the world would have to pay a “living wage” and therefore raise prices.

In fact, this would be a terribly stupid economic move, but who cares? Everybody makes $60,000 a year!