I mean really, come on, guys. I’m just as bad as she is. Well, almost anyway.

I can substitute snark for genuine observational humor and babble on about almost anything without having the slightest idea what I’m talking about. Don’t get me wrong, I generally try to make rational points when I write an opinion piece but, hey, if you’ll give me a job I’ll do my best to cut that out ASAP. It seems to work for Dowd.

Check out this latest hit piece she did on Sarah Palin. It’s just so.....not clever. It substitutes being insulting and degrading for astute observation in a stunningly efficient way. Here’s a small slice of her lack of wit and wisdom:

Indeed, it does. Only four days into her reign as John McCain’s “soul mate,” or “Trophy Vice,” as some bloggers are calling her, on the ticket known as “Maverick Squared,” Palin, the governor of Alaska, has already accrued two gates (Troopergate and Broken-watergate), a lawyer (for Troopergate), a future son-in-law named Levi (a high school ice hockey player, described by New York magazine as “sex on skates”), and a National Enquirer headline about the “Teen Prego Crisis” with 17-year-old daughter Bristol.

You have to admire the way she uses other people’s stones to throw at Palin, quoting “some bloggers” and that rock of journalistic integrity, the National Enquirer. And, boy, do I ever give her points for her own little slam. “Broken water-gate”? That’s pretty low. Good job, Maureen. Oh, and this is really rich:

When McCain gets in trouble, he pulls out the P.O.W. card. Now Republicans are pulling out the sexist card.

Damn, that’s good. Blaming Republicans for playing a card that the Democrats have played so many times that they could have put them all together and built the Washington Monument. Gotta give her credit. There’s more in the column, much more, that shows just how bad she truly is. And, therefore, she must be good enough for your paper.

Anyway, can I have a job? I can dumb myself down and write idiotic pieces like she does on a fairly regular basis. I can insult people and pretend it’s just my opinion. I can be every bit as crappy a writer as Maureen Dowd. I don’t know for sure, but I may be that bad already and won’t have to lower myself to her level at all.

So, if you have an opening for another talentless, tasteless bad writer let me know. I can be contacted in care of this blog.

Thank you for your consideration.