Judge: I know you, don't I?
Defendant: Uh, yes.
Judge: Alright, how do I know you?
Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
Judge: Of course, you might be onsturcting justice not to tell me.
Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.
Defendant: If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do?
Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail.
Defendant: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch?
Judge: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.
Defendant: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.
Q: Doctor, will you take a look at those X-rays and tell us something about the injury?
A: Let's see, which side am I testifying for?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: What happened then?
A: He says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me".
Q: Did he kill you?
A: No.
Q: Were you alone or by yourself?
Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A: It indicates intercourse.
Q: Male sperm?
A: That is the only kind I know.
Q: Doctor, as a result of your examintation of the plaintiff, is the young lady pregnant?
A: The young lady is pregnant, but not as a result of my examination.
Defendant: You know, I hate coming out here at seven in the morning and sitting downstairs with a bunch of criminals.
Judge: I have to do the same thing every day.
Defendant: Yeah, but you don't have to sit down in a holding tank with em'.
Judge: Every day I come in and I meet the dregs of society, and then I have to meet their clients.
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, hold old is he?
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Can you believe how stupid people can be?