Perhaps Al Qaeda has something to offer them. Apparently the health and vacations benefits of being a guerilla terrorist are pretty good, provided you like non-Western medical care, of course. According to a press release from the Combatting Terrorism Center at West Point, in order to entice those who would probably think twice about blowing themselves up in town squares, the terrorist leaders are offering a regular salary, fully socialized health care (should make Hillary proud to know who's espousing her Health Care Reform Package), loan (we were under the impression Muslims didnt believe in loans...Al-Qaeda is sharking), furniture, disability and severance pacakages (probably more of the first and less of the second, and a few weeks of vacation, if you don't manage to die in the line of duty within a couple of weeks.
The even have a Mission Statment that is as contrived as the one your company committee meets to put together at least once a year as a cover for gratuitous donut consumption:
A religious group of the nation of Mohammad (God’s blessing and peace be upon him) whose faith is the faith of the believers in Sunna (profit teachings) and Jama’ah (consensus), are adopting Jihad as a method for change so that the ‘Word of God’ becomes supreme, and they (the group) are working to provoke Jihad, prepare for it, and exercise it by whatever means possible. The prophet said “There are those of my nation who are victorious and will stay victorious till the day they face their fate and die” narrated by (Al-Bukhari 252/4). And the Prophet also said: “There is still a group of my nation fighting for justice victorious over their enemy until the last of them fights the Antichrist” narrated by Abu Daud (The book of Jihad, Chapter 4)…
If you need medical care:
3- Medical Benefits
A- All (Al-Qa’eda) members can visit the medical staff and obtain medicine free of charge
And if you need a break from chasing the infidels and that complicated flight school homework, you can always take a week off.
8- Vacations:
A- For those who work in Peshawar, they are entitled for Fridays, the two holy feasts (TC: Al-Adha [during the pilgrimage month] & Al-Fatr [following the end of the month of Ramadan]), and a one month annual leave to be enjoyed at the end of the eleventh month of work, as well sick leave not to exceed 15 days
annually. B- Those working in camps and in the frontlines:
Married: Enjoys a 7 day monthly vacation.
Single: Enjoys a 5 day monthly vacation
This in addition to the annual and sick leaves mentioned in the above paragraph. *Page 11 of 19
C- If the vacation exceeds what is allowed, then, the relative salary will be withheld (prorated) except if those in responsible positions (in order of hierarchy) approve a holiday extension.
If it weren't an absolute joke, we'd swear we were reading the Swedish citizenship guidelines. Of course, in Sweden there isn't much job differential, which is not the case with the Al-Qaeda, who has an incredibly respectable hold on separation of powers.
Second: Decision Execution Branch (issued from the Security Committee):
This branch is divided into the following sections:
A- Investigations
B- Imprisonment & torture
C- Coordination & relations: This section is responsible for coordination with security entities outside the organization after approval from the leadership (Emirate).
D- Documents.
At least they've got that down. Heck, they're more organized than the Democratic Party.
The reality is, Al Qaedas benefits package is lacking a 401K, meaning, in no uncertain terms, that you aren't expected to be employed long, and turnover is high. The rest is just details: no matter how nice Socialized medicine sounds, when youre in three thousand little pieces, you won't be thinking about what the HMO is going to say about Fatimas physical therapy. Terrorism is a job choice that doesn't involve a lot of future prospect.
The most attractive thing about is is that, despite the risks, its a job, and with nearly 50% of the male youth unemployed in most Middle Eastern countries, it provides a way to support the family AND a way to take out their agression, which left unabated, would channel itself into less objectively positive things like, say, revolution and overthrow of the religious government. Its a form of control in so many different ways.
A little like the U A W.