What Kind of Liberal Are You?

• December 4, 2006

I’ve taken it upon myself to introduce a classification system of liberals. I expect that this classification methodology will sweep the blogsphere by storm.
This is a preliminary finding of my research. It’ll take me at least a couple more hours of serious work before this classification is complete.

Self-serving Liberal: The motivation for this type of liberal is completely self-centered. They are the type that wants the freedom to do whatever they want to do. If there is a consequence to their choices they want liberalism to be ready to bail them out. This may take the form of a retirement program for those that can’t be bothered to save for themselves. It can take the form of free health insurance for them because they had other things they need to spend their money on. Believe it not they actually accept a subsidized education and blame society because they didn’t make the most of it.
The Condescending Liberal: This is the worst of the lot. They feel that liberalism must exist because “certain groups of people” just aren’t good enough to make it on their own. They need help from liberals to help them get by day to day. They never worry about the fact that the further these members of “certain groups of people” are from liberalism the better they do.
The Giving Liberal: These are liberals that see so much need out there. Sacrifices must be made in order to help those that are less fortunate. I could actually respect these liberals if they actually thought that the sacrifices should be made by themselves. (Of course if they thought that they’d be a conservative.) No the Giving Liberal feels good about himself when he can coerce someone else to pay for his good deeds. These liberals are very much into congregating and congratulating each other on how good they all are.
The Punitive Liberal: This is the sickest of the lot. This is a liberal who was at least in their own eyes not a success in the world. Since they were not as successful as they would have liked someone who WAS must be made to pay. They feel that bringing someone else down a peg will make themselves bigger.
The Don’t Help Your Own Family: This type could very easily wind up being a subcategory in the future. This liberal is the type that wants the government to help out their family because they just can’t be bothered. “Grandma can’t afford her $100/month prescription.” Rather than making a little sacrifice they say that health care is a right and society must help their Grandmother. I suspect that these liberals fear that since they are too self centered to help their parents or grandparents, their own kids will likely [fail to] help them. You know they may be right.
The Bully Liberal: These are people that just like pushing other people around. Look for them on the College Campus where they are probably deeply involved in the Speech Code on campus.
The Partisan Liberal: These are liberals that are counting on keeping the victims of liberalism in the welfare trap. As long as there’s a significant population they can exploit they’ll keep getting reelected or at least keep their job in the welfare bureaucracy.
The Parrot Liberal: These are people unwilling to think for themselves. However it just feels good to claim that you’re for the downtrodden so they mouth the words and tell themselves what good people they are.

One factor I rejected as a category was the “Guilt Liberal.” That’s more of a mental defect that leads a person to adopt one or more of the categories of liberalism.
Any given liberal may fit into more than one category. They belong equally in each category they belong in or they may just visit a category now and then. In no cases does a liberal see the damage that liberalism causes to society and even to the people their liberalism is purported to help.
I may have to add a category or two, but I think most liberals can be described as fitting into these categories.
Updated. While I was ruminating overnight. (Ok sleeping I came up with one of the most important.)
9: The Hate American Liberal: This liberal just can’t stand the fact that America has a preeminent place in the world. They can’t see us doing good things with our military. In fact they see the military as a place to get even with those manly men who they’ve always felt inferior too. This category is seen strong in people who also suffer from #6.

Tags: Miscellaneous

http://Array Don Myers

Come to think of it, I’m assuming that y’all DON’T endorse The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Please tell me I’m right about that…
http://www.myspace.com/drunk_dialers_hotline Drunken Dialer

Well Greg, Fox (Faux) News certainly balnces the “Liberal” controlled media… Liberal is an Liberal does! Modration s key!

http://www.myspace.com/drunk_dialers_hotline
http://ndgoon.blogspot.com/ goon

Nice piece Wistler. I am sure this will get a few choice responses.
http://ndgoon.blogspot.com/ goon

You might want to add the “Bleeding Heart” liberal, whose heart bleeds so much for the poor and downtrodden, he or she wants to give them your money.

Nothing makes a Liberal feel beter than taking someone’s money and re-distributing it to someone else. I am sure the increase in taxes on the countries top 1 percent will really make them feel good.
Don Myers

I’m not into the Jewish Conspiricy stuff, sorry.

Well, I’m certainly glad to hear that, Mr. Peabody.

My point is that your poorly-written polemic is the same kind of conspiracy-nut hate mongering as the Protocols are.
http://sayanythingblog.com/ likwidshoe

You forgot an important one: The Classical Liberal. This is the true Liberal in every sense of the word. This is the Liberal that is universally hated by those who co-opted the name.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

I am sure that no alcohol was involved.
Don Myers

You put a lot of work and thought into this—which is remarkable, considering how childish it is.

It’s exactly this kind of “we hate you, you poopy-heads” thinking that permeates the GOP, from the White House down to you hate-radio fanatics. It’s all they offered this election, and why they were sent packing.

Have a good time choking on your own bile, kids.
http://sayanythingblog.com/ likwidshoe

Don Myers said, It’s exactly this kind of “we hate you, you poopy-heads” thinking that permeates the GOP, from the White House down to you hate-radio fanatics. It’s all they offered this election, and why they were sent packing.

This, ladies and gentlemen, was Don Myers engaging in projection.

It’s all the guy knows how to do.
http://www.sayanythingblog.com/ electnixon

I refuse to sink to your level.

Don,
This posting accuratly discusses many of the liberal viewpoints, but instead of discussing why you don’t believe that they are correct or offering an alternative view, all you have to offer are some hateful remarks. What value have you brought to the conversation? You truly are on a level of your own.
http://www.sayanythingblog.com/ electnixon

R108:
I’d classify your bleeding heart liberal in with #3 from Whistler’s list.

Sparkie:
your #1 is basically #7 from above. Union leaders are in it for their own gain. The members fall into category #1.

your #2 is also a #7

your #3 is proof that you are spiraling into several of the categories mentioned above, most notably #8
Don Myers

As I said before, there is nothing here TO refute—-just right-wing hate radio blather. Point to a single verifable fact and then we can talk. You’ll forgive me if I don’t hold my breath waiting.
Bat One

GOON,

To your outstanding roundup of liberal disabilities I would add that although it was liberals who came up with the notion of “social science,” an obvious misnomer, they have no knowledge of even rudimentary economics. None. Nada. Zippo.

What the average liberal understands about the basic workings of our economic system, or finance in general, could written on the upper half of a three by five index card… in crayon.
Bat One

Yesterday, Puzzlefeet “explained” that we should not be concerned with liberal dismantling of our country’s defense and intelligence capabilities because at least some of our men and women in uniform just might be Democrats.

Today, we are treated to Don Myers’ critique of a reasoned and explicit discussion of liberal beliefs. His rejoinder is to call everyone else “poopyheads” and refuse to discuss anything substantive because to do so would be beneath him.

Which leads me to wonder: Could it be that contemporary liberalism is not merely a fatally flawed belief system, but is instead a genetically transmitted cognitive disability? Well, at least such a hypothesis carries with it the hope for a cure someday.

Why, we could all wear some sort of goofy, colored ribbon to show our support for our liberal-afflicted brothers and sisters (such as Puzzlefeet and Don), have Walk-a-thons to raise awareness of the dangers of liberalism and raise funds for more research, host fundraising telethons on the three major TV networks. There would no doubt be attempts to have liberals declared “victims” under guise of the ADA, and even long-time Rush Limbaugh listeners could once again band together and hold a series of bake sales, starting, of course, in Colorado.
Don Myers

There is nothing here TO rebutt, Mr. Peabody. All I could do is get into a childish “I’m rubber and you’re glue” fight, and I refuse to sink to your level.
Don Myers

Bat:

“A reasoned and explicit discussion of liberal beliefs” my ass. This reads like The Protocols of the Elders of Zion but with less panache.

Thanks to bob and lik for proving my point, btw.
Dave_Comet

C’mon, who hasn’t hit a house in their lifetime?
http://ndgoon.blogspot.com/ goon

Don,

If you don’t find Whistler’s take on liberals to your liking, perhaps instead you’d explain exactly what it is that you lefties DO think, or DO believe in.

We’ve already had it pretty well demonstrated that the Left is eager to dismantle the country’s defense and intelligence gathering capabilities, so there’s really not much need for you to cover those subjects.

Perhaps something about a liberal’s core values and the basic principles on which liberalism functions… besides partisan expediency, that is.

Oh, oh, oh, let me take this one.
Here is an all compasing catch all that we can put most of the lefties in:

The term Liberal=liberty is a farce or a joke in its self. Liberals are not for liberity but dependency on government they haven’t seen a poor person they don’t want to care for or give some rich person’s money too.

Liberals for more bigger expensive and expansive government, the answer to all problems is another government entitlement, money isn’t no object we will just raise taxes.

The Left loves labor unions and the teamsters no matter how corrupt they are, because they no more money will be coming there way, reguardless if their memember want to pay for democratic causes or not.

The lefties love alternative lifestyles but despise anything for the most part that has anything to do with god or Judeo Cristian religion. Christmas is under attack in most blue states. Apparently nativity scenes are offensive and hateful. However anything Islam is good and must be protect the religion of peace at all costs. Don’t offend anyone thats not nice.

They dispise big business and big oil companies. However, the left loves the down trodden as long as they are spending big business money, or the rich, and or big oil’s money. They can’t wait to take the rich and give it to the poor.
Bat One

As I said before, there is nothing here TO refute —- just right-wing hate radio blather.

Don,

If you don’t find Whistler’s take on liberals to your liking, perhaps instead you’d explain exactly what it is that you lefties DO think, or DO believe in.

We’ve already had it pretty well demonstrated that the Left is eager to dismantle the country’s defense and intelligence gathering capabilities, so there’s really not much need for you to cover those subjects.

Perhaps something about a liberal’s core values and the basic principles on which liberalism functions… besides partisan expediency, that is.
http://sayanythingblog.com/ likwidshoe

Don Myers said, Thanks to bob and lik for proving my point, btw.

What point of yours did I prove?
http://ndgoon.blogspot.com/ goon

Bat I would agree they think the more I take from the rich the better I feel. They don’t understand if you raise taxes you will eventually kill economic growth. There is this notion that high taxes some how are good for the country. Their idea is lets tax ourselves into prosperity. The problem is the dems are still believing that Clintonomics was good for everyone and they weren’t.

I can just see Charlie Rangle in his office going seething and foaming at the mouth and saying, oohhhh, I can’t wait to sock it too the rich. They had too big of a party the last 6 years.
robert108

Don: You illustrate the unerring tendency of lefties to charge others for what you do yourselves. Your posts, almost without exception, are hate-filled rants against those who have a diversity of opinion from yours.
Bat One

GOON,

How very true. Rangel is a buffoon who has never experienced work in the private sector, yet has managed to do fairly well for himself after 35 years in Congress. (He is a millionaire and there’s no telling how much more is conveniently parked in his wife’s name.)

As for the economic disfunction of liberals, consider that Wal-Mart, under relentless attack from the Left for being too penurious and cost-conscious, offers the lowest prices available on virtually everything they sell, including health care supplies, and of course, $4 generic medicines. Yet liberals would have the company increase its operating costs, and its prices, all in the name of partisan political correctness, and the hell with the consumers who would then have to pay more for everything… including their prescriptions. So much for helping the “little guy” or the “working family.”

Likewise with oil companies. The price of both crude oil and refined products increase because of increased worldwide demand and limited supplies and refining capacity, and the liberals’ first response is to increase taxes on the companies in the oil business, thus increasing their costs, and the retail price of gasoline even more. Sheer, latent stupidity on the part of persons who offer themselves to be adults.

Makes you wonder how anyone with a modest amount of common sense would ever admit to being a liberal.
robert108

Well Greg, Fox (Faux) News certainly balnces the “Liberal” controlled media… Liberal is an Liberal does! Modration s key!

We have a new category; the math-challenged liberal, who thinks that one network which occasionally presents the conservative point of view is equal to six or seven networks spewing the leftie line. Hilarious!
robert108

Bat: It seems counterintuitive, but then you have to realize that lefties are both ideologically and emotionally driven; it’s not about what makes sense in the real world. Like all Marxists, the ideology is the only thing that matters. They are fanatics, in the truest sense of the word.
Pilgrim

What the average liberal understands about the basic workings of our economic system, or finance in general, could written on the upper half of a three by five index card… in crayon.

Oh, but why deal with the realities involved when rhetoric, idealism, and hyperbole will suffice?
robert108

You might want to add the “Bleeding Heart” liberal, whose heart bleeds so much for the poor and downtrodden, he or she wants to give them your money.
Bat One

Oh, but why deal with the realities involved when rhetoric, idealism, and hyperbole will suffice?

Pilgrim,

Rhetoric and hyperbole, certainly. But idealism? I don’t think so. That’s merely a convenient and well-worn excuse for the crass expediency of political power.

If those on the Left were truly idealistic, they would want to learn what its been that has made this country so strong and prosperous for over 200 years and try to preserve it, rather than apologizing for that success and trying to tear it down.
robert108

There ya go!
http://www.valleydeals.com/cgi-bin/board2/YaBB.pl Kevin

Most Liberals don’t consider themselves as such.
http://www.globalconservative.com/ chuck jines

THE Liberal Jihadi: I have been charged with labeling anyone who disagrees with me as a Liberal Jihadi. So, I feel it would be appropriate to explain to Liberals what I mean, and how one qualifies.
http://www.globalconservative.com/#THE_LIBERAL_JIHADI_PROFILE
effrightwingnutjobs

I could actually respect these liberals if they actually thought that the sacrifices should be made by themselves. (Of course if they thought that they’d be a conservative.)

Just like the conservatives (freedom haters) who are against abortion, but don’t adopt unwanted babies.
http://www.globalconservative.com/ chuck jines

Liberals will be the death of us all! http://www.globalconservative.com/index.html#Chavez_and_Sheehan__Democrat_frontrunners_for_‘08
robert108

…conservatives (freedom haters)…

Wrong! Conservatives advocate for individual independence; it’s the liberals who want to control us with a huge central govt. I’ll accept abortion if the majority votes for it as it really is: Feticide as a method of birth control. Let’s tell the truth, then take a vote. No more legislating from the bench.
Pilgrim

How about “idealistic fanatics?” There. See? I’m easy.
Bat One

R108,

Thank you! I’ve often wondered why it is that liberals always seem to stress what they feel… rather than what they think. Now I know.
robert108

Bat: Otherwise intelligent people, when in the grip of fanaticism, seem stupid, because parts of their brain ruling higher thought and reasoning are shut down. Emotions put one into the survival mode, where it’s all about reaction, not reasoning.
robert108

Pil: I have a problem with calling them “idealistic”. That would be the hundreds of millions killed by them, and even more enslaved in their “utopias”. I’m going to stick with “fanatic”.
Greg

How about the “TV-is-my-master” liberal who ingests a steady diet of left-wing biased news? This type of liberal may simply be a victim of their own apathy or hurried lifestyle.
robert108

Of course, that should be “fanatical”.
Mr. Mxyzptlk

Most the “liberals” I know follow the last category quite well.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

I think that is funny they want to re-distribute others wealth but not their own.

Funny but not at all surprising.
Pilgrim

Bat,

They’re still idealistic but their idealism is based on their version of reality. And reality on the Disney Planet, where many liberals reside, is completely different than the reality of Planet Earth.

So….they ARE truly idealistic. They’re just not realistic.
Bat One

They are fanatics, in the truest sense of the word.

R108,

Or maybe just stupid… in the truest sense of that word.
robert108

likwid: Just about the only “point” of a Don Myers post is to spew hate at those who have a divergent point of view from his; so in a way, we did prove his “point”, because we acknowledged his hate-filled rant. I guess that’s what he meant, anyway.
http://ndgoon.blogspot.com/ goon

Goon, I agree, and it is not just about money. Take a look at blood donations.
Check the percentages of people who actually give blood, and their motivations. I have challenged quite a few people with this and no one has taken it up because they can not argue The Truth.

Yeah I noticed no one from the left has answered you yet?
Funny. Another thing that I found funny while Liberals want to spend others money they are behind the right in charitable gifts. I think that is funny they want to re-distribute others wealth but not their own. HUM
robert108

Thanks to bob and lik for proving my point, btw.

Don illustrates two additional types of liberal: The hate-filled liberal and the logically-challenged liberal.
http://magyartruth.blogspot.com/ Chief RZ

Goon, I agree, and it is not just about money. Take a look at blood donations.
Check the percentages of people who actually give blood, and their motivations. I have challenged quite a few people with this and no one has taken it up because they can not argue The Truth.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

You can’t imagine how happy you’re making me Don. Thanks a bunch.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

I notice that you still haven’t refuted any of what I said. Is that because you can’t?
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

Don, I’ve never heard of it. Can I borrow your copy?
James

This was great. I live in MA (the bluest of blue states) so I’m surrounded by liberals. Here’s another category to add:

The Hollywood Liberal:

This variation of the Parrot Liberal forms their opinions based on speeches at award shows and the Daily Show. They figure if someone makes millions pretending to be someone else, they must know a lot about politics.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

Hey clueless, have you seen the waiting list for adoptions? Have you seen the price tag for adoption?

You just set a record for stupidest comment ever. Congratulations.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

Don had a point? I doubt it.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

One of his more forgettable songs mind you.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

Nice rebuttal Don.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

I’m not into the Jewish Conspiricy stuff, sorry.
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

no, but I just looked on Wiki?
http://SayAnythingBlog.com The_Whistler_ofnd

C’mon, who hasn’t hit a house in their lifetime?

He did have relations with Christie Brinkly. He’s got that going for him.
Don Myers

Anything for you, Mr. Peabody
Don Myers

Mr. Peabody:

You’re kidding me…right?
http://sayanythingblog.com/readers/author/sparkiearbuckle sayanything-81

You forgot a few:
1) Mafia/Union Liberal – This is the liberal who knows how important taxes are for stealing. Town/City equipment too.
2) Slut Liberal – This is the lib who is most concerned with finger-banging the secretary with a cigar in his office. Slut libs brain’s are often decaying from various STDs.
3) Crony Liberal – This lib increases national spending so all his buddies can get a share. Big overlap with the Mafia/Union liberal except this one’s name is George W. Bush.
http://sayanythingblog.com/readers/author/sparkiearbuckle sayanything-81

electnixon:
you wish tool. i don’t have a brainwashing party to shove things down my throats like all you unique, individualistic, conservatives. classify me however you want though. its simple and thoughtless… a good republican activity… bound to be popular.
http://sayanythingblog.com/readers/author/sparkiearbuckle sayanything-81

Wow. This is along the lines of what Linnaeus did for science. Laying down the ontology!
WOOFX

when you wake up in the morning
With your head on fire
And your eyes too bloody to see
Go on and cry in your coffee
But don’t come bitchin’ to me

Big Shot
Lyrics
by Billy Joel
WOOFX

If we both could split the royalties with Billy
we could smash our Bentleys on the same Hamptons roads.

Singer Billy Joel was involved in his third car accident in two years Sunday, slamming into a house on Long Island. No one was injured.

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