Say Anything Blog

A kid in New York is suing his school after a vending machine fell on him.

July 30, 2004 -- A 17-year-old Bronx high-school student wants the city to pay him $5 million because a Snapple vending machine fell on him at school as he shook it.

Court papers filed yesterday charge Albert Salcedo suffered a broken foot and ankle in the incident on May 25.

"This could be a permanent injury -- we just don't know yet," said Salcedo's lawyer, Richard Rosenberg, explaining the multimillion dollar claim.

"He has pins and screws in his leg, and only started walking three days ago."

Salcedo, 17, was in the lunchroom of Theodore Roosevelt HS in The Bronx, attending a nighttime GED class, when the Snapple machine malfunctioned.

"It ate my dollar, so I shook it very gently," he said. "It must have been top-heavy, because it fell right down on me."

Oh c'mon. Who shakes a vending machine "very gently" after it eats your dollar?

Did you know that just under two people (1.85) have died by having vending machines fall on them every year since 1978? And that just over five (5.65) have been seriously injured in the same time span from vending machine-related accidents?

People, these aren't malfunctions. This is natural selection at work. If you're dumb enough to stand in front of a 500+ pound machine and rock it to get some free Twinkies or your money back out of it you deserve what you get.