USDA Demands Magician Develop “Disaster Plan” For His Rabbit


Remember that study indicating that the expansion of federal regulation has made America 72% poorer? Here’s another data point supporting that conclusion.

Marty Mahane is a magician who works in Missouri. Like a lot of magicians, he has a rabbit that is a part of his act. But lately, his rabbit has been causing him a lot of headaches with the federal government.

According to the USDA, Mahane must develop a disaster plan for his rabbit. Per Bob McCarty, who has been chronicling Mahane’s struggles, the timeline has gone like this:

  • The new regulation became effective Jan. 30, 2012;
  • The written plan must be completed by July 29, 2013;
  • Hahne and his wife, Brenda, must be trained to implement the plan as written; and
  • The written plan must be available for review by USDA inspectors by Sept. 28, 2013.

Via McCarty, here’s Mahane on his understanding of what his rabbit disaster plan must entail:

My USDA rabbit license requirement has taken another ridiculous twist. I just received an 8 page letter from the USDA, telling me that by July 29 I need to have in place a written disaster plan, detailing all the steps I would take to help get my rabbit through a disaster, such as a tornado, fire, flood, etc. They not only want to know how I will protect my rabbit during a disaster, but also what I will do after the disaster, to make sure my rabbit gets cared for properly. I am not kidding–before the end of July I need to have this written rabbit disaster plan in place, or I am breaking the law.

Our federal government is a trillion dollars in debt. Reductions in spending growth resulting from the sequester are supposedly so severe we’ve had to cut back on air traffic control and White House tours. Yet, we have enough money for the USDA to hassle a magician over his rabbit?

But remember, if you think government is too large and intrusive, you’re an extremist.

Rob Port is the editor of In 2011 he was a finalist for the Watch Dog of the Year from the Sam Adams Alliance and winner of the Americans For Prosperity Award for Online Excellence. In 2013 the Washington Post named SAB one of the nation's top state-based political blogs, and named Rob one of the state's best political reporters.

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  • Say It

    The same gov’t wants to safeguard the life of a rabbit (and even spend money enforcing this mandate), but will push for unlimited abortion of unborn babies.

    • Rob

      Good point.

  • flamemeister

    The government has a special thing for rabbits. It followed a talking one down a hole.

  • kevindf

    How about this for a plan?

  • flamemeister

    Taking this bit of doofishness seriously for a moment, it can be considered a prime demonstration of the quasi-religious nature and goals of liberalism. The scope of their goals is cosmic.

    1. The Rabbit Regs are an example of trying to “immanentize the eschaton”—to eliminate pain and suffering entirely from the world, down to the smallest detail. In short, having killed God, we must become God. We have acquired the power to destroy the world. We are achieving electronic omniscience/omnipresence. We are obsessed—by way of diet, genetics, etc.— with achieving immortality in this world. We look to controlling the climate as well as the world’s ecology. We think of being able to intercept asteroids. This is the hubristic ideation of a madman. I could go on and on, but you get the drift. …

    2. Rabbit Regs demonstrate the demonic psychopathology of liberalism: As minions of Satan (no better description exists), liberals wish to eliminate any personal moral and ethical transactions—down to the level of pet care and the relocation of destructive vermin. All human virtue must be ceded to a monolithic central authority by way of regulations (the Scripture of statists). “All good is from God (Washington); all evil from the actions of free individuals acting freely.” This is our new Church. We have no call whatsoever to scoff at the Dark Ages.

    This century is witnessing a confrontation between Good and Evil, for which the evils of the 20th century were mere warm-ups.

    • cybermage

      Uh, you’re kidding… right?

      • flamemeister

        I’m afraid that it was your mother who was kidding, and you ended up being the joke.

  • mikemc1970

    Too bad he can’t make the bureaucrats disappear. Pretty soon all pet owners will have to do the same to get a license and need to fill out the same lengthy paperwork. Part of the leftist econozi agenda. Pet ownership isn’t green, therefore verboten. They know they will never be able to just outlaw them directly so they use this backdoor ban.

  • JoeMN

    If he could only make big government disappear.

  • Ratbite

    My plan would be to save myself first & if the rabbit did not survive it would be rabbit stew for supper.

  • Thresherman

    This is what is happening across the board now the the Obama Administration has let PETA types start helping to write the rules, The goal here is not help the rabbit, but to make it so onerous to use a rabbit in a commercial venture like magic act as to eliminate it from happening. The can’t pass legislation to effect this, so they resort to the underhanded tactic of using regulation to accomplish what they could not through legislation.

  • Hank

    In case of disaster, follow this two part plan…
    1. Eat the rabbit
    2. Make theUSDA disappear.

  • Tids1960

    I say O’L boy has the King declared this his land and his rabbits ?

  • Mr. Works and Days

    Yeah, the next time you have trouble with your detestable cable company or scurrilous internet provider, remember the glorious deregulation of those entire industries during the Reagan admin. And the fact they are essentially monopolies should really set your fat cheeks jiggling with sly glee. Especially if you own stock in them, bloatboy.

  • Mr. Works and Days

    It’s a wonder you don’t have to file an environmental impact statement every time you dump sludge on a ridiculous fatcat, old-man site like this.