By the way Rob, when I win you can keep 1/2 for your birthday present. That’s me, Mr. Big Spender!

What tip jar? There’s no mention of such a thing…

You’re too literal.

It’s his blog. He can have an many birthdays as he wants.

Was I complaining?

OK Here’s my entry.

A big time investment banker get’s fed up with the rat race. He decides to get away from it all; New York, The Wife. So he buys a ranch in the middle of Montana sight unseen.

When he moves there he finds the place exactly like it was advertised. The house and buildings were in great shape. The land was good and hte wildlife was terrific.

But after about six weeks he found himself getting a bit lonely. He only saw people when he made his 70 mile run to “town” for supplies.

One day he was sitting on the porch and he say the dust cloud of a pickup from miles away. He watched the dust cloud as it drove into his yard.

When the pickup arrived, out stepped a real Montana cowboy. Hat, boots, jeans, cowboy shirt. The cowboy greeted him with a big “Howdy Neigbor”.

The ex-banker asked him how close they lived together and the Montana cowboy said “shucks, we’re real close. You just drive up that road 7 miles, hang a right for about 15 miles and that’s my place.

They shot the breeze for a while, as new neighbors do. When it was time to go, the Montana Cowboy said, “Say, I’m throwing a party Saturday night, do youall want to come.”

The ex-banker, a little worried that he might not fit in asked what was going to go on at the party.

The Cowboy responded that there would be “A lot of drinking, a lotta of eating, some loud musioc, some dancing and later a lot of sex.”

The ex-banker decided that it had been a long time, and said “sure, should I wear anything special.”

The Cowboy said, “Nah, you don’t have to wear nothing special, it’s just going to be the two of us.”

Plus how partisan is it? I mean bill cliton was in hell!!!!!!!!

Carol, some cute stories of Rob’s childhood would fun!

Any blackmail material should be emailed.

It’s his blog. He can have an many birthdays as he wants.

Seriously a thirty minute light workout gets rid of most of it.

Worst hangover I ever had was after a homecoming party. When we ran out of beer we switched to something else and something else. Then some idiot (other than me) bought a box of cigars.

Worst hangover of my life. In the morning I went to get coffee, but my hand on the stove and grabbed the coffee pot. Dead-short; I couldn’t let go of the stove or coffee pot. Finally I dropped the pot.

I needed the coffee so I unplugged the pot with the towel.

Later that day after feeling terrible all day I went to the Y, took a steam bath. After that I felt better so I rode the lifecycle for a short time. More steam, a long shower and I felt much better.

are you fishing for a good one to tell later today?

I will ‘seed’ this thing with a lame one from grade school that my kids still tell as teenagers:

Q: What time do you go to the dentist?
A: Tooth hurty. (2:30)

An old saw, the rude parrot joke.

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and terrible vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren’t expletives were, to say the least, rude.

David tried hard to change the bird’s attitude. He was constantly saying polite words and playing soft music; he tried everything he knew. Nothing worked. When he yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. If he shook the bird, the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming horrible expletives. Then, suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto David’s extended arm and said, “I’m sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions, so I ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior.” David was astounded at the bird’s change of attitude and was about to ask what had changed him . . . when the parrot continued, “May I ask what the chicken did?”

and one of my favorites of all time, from the boondock saints, edited slightly to remove the racial slurs and because i can’t remember the exact wording.

Three guys are walking along a beach–a white guy, a black guy, and a Mexican–when they stumble across a lamp. They pick it up and rub it, and out pops a genie, who grants them each one wish. The black man goes first, saying, “I wish that me and all my black brothers and sisters could be safe and happy back in Africa.” POOF, the black guy disappears. Next comes the Mexican. He says, “I wish that me and all my Mexican brothers and sisters would be safe and happy back in Mexico.” POOF, the Mexican disappears. Finally, it’s the white guys turn. He thinks for a minute, then asks the genie, “You mean to tell me that all the blacks and Mexicans are out of America?” “That’s right,” replies the genie. “Well,” the white guy responds, “I’ll have a Coke, then.”

I knew there was something wrong with your sense of humor

I like Carrick’s the best so far.

When a sheep get’s stuck in the barbed wire fence in Montana, what time is it?

a. Mountin’ Time.

Q:How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?

A:Lets go ride bikes!!!

Happy Birthday Rob!

***********CRUDE WARNING******************

In a meadow there was a big birch tree standing right next to a beach tree. One day the birch noticed that there was another tree growing inbetween them and said, “Hey, Mr. Beach tree, is that new tree a son of a beach tree or a son of a birch tree. The beach tree responded, “I don’t know if it’s a son of a birch tree or a son of a beach tree, Mr. Birch tree.” The birch tree says, “Let’s ask the wood pecker.”

“Mr. Woodpecker,” says the beach tree, “is that new tree a son of a beach tree or a son of a birch tree?”

“I don’t know, let me find out,” the woodpecher said. So the woodpecher goes down to the new tree and starts pecking away. After a minute he goes back up to the trees and the birch tree says, “Well, mr. woodpecker, is it a son of a birch tree or a son of a beach tree?”

The woodpecker responded, “I don’t know if it’s a son of a beach tree or a son of a birch tree, but I do know that it’s the best piece of ash I’ve ever put my pecker in!”

George Bush has a heart attack and dies.
Obviously, he goes to Hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.
“I’m not sure what to do,” says the Devil. “you’re on my list,
but I have
no room for you. But since you definitely have to stay here, I am going to
have to let someone else go.
“I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one
of them go, but you’ll have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide
who leaves.” George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool
of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over.
Such was his fate in Hell.
“No!” George shouted. “I don’t think so. I am not a good swimmer,
And I
don’t think I could do that all day long”.
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge
hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, over and
over, time after time.
“No! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder, I would be in constant agony
if all I could do was breaks rocks all day”, commented George.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton Lying on
the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a
spread-eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,

“Yeah, I can handle this.”

The Devil smiled and said “Ok, Monica, you’re free to go!”

A blonde is pulled over by a blonde Highway Patrol officers.

The blond HP officer walked up and asked the blond driver if she knew why she had stopped her.

The blonde driver said “I don’t know.”

The blonde HP officer then asked the driver for her drivers license.

The driver responded, “A drivers license, what’s that.”

The blonde HP officer said, “It’s the size of a credit card, but it has her picture.”

The driver dug through her purse and found a small mirror. She looked at it and said “this must be it, because it has my picture.”

The Blonde HP officer took the ‘ID’, inspected it and said, “You dummy this is my drivers license.”

I vote (seriously this time) that Bullwinkle has the funniest joke so far and graeme has the sickest joke and should be banned….

Let’s see, it’s after 11 am in Minot. Could “Bunny Boy” be hung over?

Wow, I guess!!! I never could figure out why the food costs more where it’s raised than shipped across the country, like our avocados, citrus, etc. seems to.

But this year we’ve had some incredible specials on fresh strawberries which are unbelievably delicious!

Your horse is beautiful, Carol!

Sorry I should have added in the obligatory “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Well, there is… But I just wondered why the two you put forward were both about perverse montana cowboys… If I had to pick two favorite jokes, they would not be about gay cowboys…thats all

It was June 3rd, 2060 and Rob was surrounded by his family. His children and grandchildren were gathered around his bed in the rest home and he was telling them a story about a bear hunting trip from his youth..

“I was following the bear’s tracks in the snow when suddenly the bear jumped up from behind a bush and went ‘ROOOOOOOOAAAAARR’, I’m afraid I crapped my pants”

Young Rob III said, “That’s understandable, Grandpa, just about anyone would have been frightened enough to do that.”

“Not then, I wasn’t scared at all then, I did it just now when I said ‘ROOOOOOOOAAAAARR’.

The cure I found best is to force yourself to sweat it out. I imagine a brisk walk through the neighborhood will do it.

Take a shower, drink lots of water and take it easy the rest of the day.

Course now that I’m old I only have to use that every couple years.

Carol, some cute stories of Rob’s childhood would fun!

DocDave:

It’s called ‘Paying the Piper’. Just one of the reason I don’t imbibe alcohol any more. Of course, at 26, you still think that you can handle the stuff.

Come on, DocDave. You know it’s unhealthy not to drink!

Not that I ever implied that the sheep was a boy. Why did you immediately conjure up that thought?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Whister, what’s with you and gay montana cowboy jokes… something we should know about?

Cool, yeah, let’s hijack this from jokes to birthday wishes! Happy Birthday and Many More, tho as someone MUCH closer to 50, it’s pretty hard to feel sorry for someone who thinks 26 is even CLOSE to 30 . . . get some perspective, kiddo!!

strong>That’s a good one Carol, but where did she find broccoli that cheap???? Ours is about $1.50/lb. here.

Cost of living in North Dakota is lower!

Three girls where in a flying in a plane a German a Italian and a Nigro, all of the sudden the piliot comes racing out of the cockpit and sais sorry girls the plane is going down and their is no parachutes and goes back to the cockpit to try to land the plane safely, so the German girl changes into her best dress and sais in case I die I would like to be buried in this dress, the Italian girl changes into a bathing suit and sais in case we land in water I can swim to shore, and then the Nigro girl comes back naked, and the other two girls ask “why are you naked?” and the nigro girl goes “I heard the first thing they look for when a plane goes down is the black box”

Bill and Daddy Bush are as thick as thieves; heck, politics is a game to get wealth and power.

We have two Democratic candidates in the primary running for governor and they’re both filthy rich and connected. So it goes. Or we could keep superrich and connected Turbinator.

They just play to different bases and then the bases fight eachother while the politicians play and wine and dine together and laugh at all of us.

I can’t imagine sticking up for any of them. They are despicable, disgusting, bloated bureaucrat who feed off of us like leeches and suck the last ounce of blood out of our lifeless bodies and wallets.

You just can’t get enough, can you RBB.

A group of Norwegians and Swedes got into an argument and drew up lines.

The argument got hotter and the angry Swedes finally lobbed some grenades into the Norwegian crowd.

The Norwegians picked them up, pulled the pins and lobbed them back.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

That is my favorite joke of all time. Snertz.

i think you forgot the punchline.

you know, i’ve only ever seen a slide rule once. how exactly do they work?

You should see me on the abacus!

Oh, forgot about the redeye. Oooohhh, the pain!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slide_rule

You know how in the olden days they used more magic and less machinery? I think that’s how they worked.

Rob I have a couple new gravatars for you:

One:

Two:

You guys really haven’t submitted a lot of jokes yet…

1) I didn’t get the garter (I’m not even sure they threw it).

2) My speech went over well. Got some good laughs. Didn’t use any jokes from here though.

3) Yes, “bunny boy” is feeling a little woozy this morning.

Ugh. Cigars are the worst. They always seem like a good idea at the time, but the next day when you wake up with your tongue stuck to the top of your mouth you realize they weren’t.