SF Gate’s Mark Morford: 12 Things To Throw At Bush. Oh, And His Son-In-Law Is Gay, Too
Where do they get these guys?
Is there a Maureen Dowd School of Editorial Writing out there somewhere?
There must be, because once again the SF Gate’s very own Mark Morford is doing a very, very good imitation of her style of opinion writing. That is, witless, snarky, immature insult that passes (or not) as political opinion. I think it’s supposed to be funny, too.
Anyway, he’s come up with 12 things that should be thrown at President Bush besides a shoe. Top of the list is:
1) Rainbow flag
Obvious, but effective. What better way to say, “Thanks for keeping the last fundamental civil right in hateful lockdown for another 20 years by kowtowing to the sexually ignorant and the religiously malformed, you sad lump of homophobic lint.”
Bonus suggestion: Attach small photo of Bush’s new son-in-law and Rove sycophant, Henry Hager, to the flag. Implied rumor: Henry’s secretly gay! Just like half the GOP and all televangelists and John Travolta! The AP photogs will eat it up.
Note: Be sure to fold flag tightly for ideal trajectory, lest it unravel mid-flight and accidentally land on the head of the Saudi Arabian reporter, inducing horrified screams and spontaneous combustion. No one wants a scene.
Wow. So…..let’s see. Nanny nanny boo-boo. Bush’s son-in-law is gay. And Bush is a poopy head. Well said, sir.
There are a number of other things on the list, most of which are either completely lame attempts at insult or wit like birth control pills and hunks of disappearing glacial ice, but number 7 takes the cake:
7) Prosthetic limb
Imagine this perfect scene: You raise your right hand to ask Bush a question. Bush points at you, “Yes?” You calmly raise your left hand, reach over to your right and give a little tug and pop! Off comes your entire right arm from the socket! Before anyone can register what’s happening, said arm is winging through the air, straight at Bush’s head. Bonk! See? Not only have you conked him, you’ve slapped him as well. Now that’s poetry.
Terrific reminder of the tens of thousands of young U.S. soldiers who’ve been maimed, mutilated and permanently scarred in Bush’s lost, futile, disgusting war. Imagine the hilarious photos! It’s tragicomic, really.
I think we have a winner there, folks.
Keep it classy, Morford. Keep it classy.
