Redneck Financial Dictionary

The Whistler • March 23, 2009

With all the talk in the news about AIG bonuses, derivatives and such, as a public service, Say Anything will publish a dictionary of financial terms to help fellow rednecks understand the current situation.

Principle: What you take a stand on, like the Second Amendment!
Interest: Huntin’, fishin’, women.
Compound Interest: Bow hunting.
Profit: Jeremiah and them fellas.
Net: What you take a-fishin’.
Borrow: Used for totin’, like a wheelborrow.
No load fund: Savin’ up for shotgun shells.
Invest: Where you keep your shells when you got ‘em.
Revenue: Agents of the Fed’al Guv’mint
Finance: Your girl before you get hitched.
Bonds: Barry and James
Bonus: You shoot a squirrel, you get dinner and a pelt for a bonus!
Portfolio: On your bass boat, the opposite of starboard folio.
Hedge fund: Savin’ up for some nice juniper bushes to line the driveway.
Stock market: cattle yard
Foreclosure: When you close the store an hour early to go a-fishin’.
Bank: Where your asset when you’re a-fishin’!
Asset: Your pickup and your doublewide are where your asset when you’re not a-fishin’!

Cross Posted at Proof Positive

Tags: Uncategorized

http://boyddrivefollies.blogspot.com/ Good Ol Boy

Seems like perfectly good definitions to me.
Hannity- if you talk like you write, it must be a sumbitch to follow you in a conversation.
http://jonalist.bravehost.com/articles/evfcf.html Charlie

What’s a black redneck these days cause I never encountered the word during school. The only real rednecks I saw were the ones that lie.
Hannitized

Hell, you didn’t even use proper grammar in you…uhem….jokes.

Hahaha.
Mark

I wonder where it is still cool to be a redneck?

If you have a picture of a tractor on your web blog…………You might be a redneck!
Mickey

swish
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

Proper grammar is for English teachers who teach it.

Since it is obvious that your educational efforts did not “take”, have you ever considered why the English teacher might be teaching grammar if no one but the teachers use it? Trying to rationalize your inability to use proper grammar by saying “No one uses it”, is lame enough to merit its own handicapped parking sticker. (Now you can park your Big Wheel closer to the kiddie pool!)

Is math only for math teachers? Science only for science teachers? It is clear that whatever objectives your schools had in trying to form your incoherent mush into a fully functioning mind was a complete and abject failure.

Still, you might try to heed their admonitions and color inside the lines, share your toys at the kiddie pool and take your nap every day so you don’t get cranky! Toodles, Tiki!
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

I have hear (sic) people say that your jokes suck

The little voices in your head don’t count as “people”.
But thanks for playing!
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

I’d guess .50 cal. I just grabbed the photo over at TinyPic.
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

It’s Government, not Gov’mint.

Had the clueless troll Hannitized ever actually attempted to read any book he would not have to color later, he might recognize that in literature, attempts are sometimes made to capture the flavor and essence of different regional accents and dialects.
(Actually, government is pronounced “gumment” in some regions. Just as in Texas, “business” is often pronounced “bidness”.)

But thanks for displaying your colossal ignorance yet again, Han-job. You are proof positive that a mind is a terrible thing to waste!

Leave it to Poofy the troll to attempt to teach his intellectual superior. Apparently “troll”, “intellectual” and “superior” are all words that Hannitized is abjectly clueless as to their meaning!
Hannitized

Proof: The redneck word whining irrelevance.
Pfeh

I wonder where it is still cool to be a redneck?

WHOOSH. Lucky – lot’s of breathing room!
scrubjay

What is that thing?
Hannitized

Proof,

You don’t have to use curse words to be funny. Your use of the term bitch, makes you look cheap and petty.

If you used it in the proper context, maybe then it would be funny……bitch.
raj58045

Hell, you didn’t even use proper grammar in you…uhem….jokes.

Hahaha.

Proof positive that most liberals have no sense of humor.
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

Proper grammar is for English teachers who teach it. It is rarely used in novels or in common speech.

…says the barely literate Tiki Troll, who apparently has never read a novel or spoken to anyone with an IQ above his own!

I was writing it would sound if it were spoken.

Huh? Are all your remaining brain cells firing, Han-job?

It’s why I am me, and you are you. Wouldn’t trade lives if you paid me.

Damn skippy! I wouldn’t trade lives with a brain damaged cretin like you for all the money in the world. I can’t imagine a life where I was unable to think or reason!

I’m glad you are happy with the pitiful gray matter you possess, Han-job, but then it is an aphorism that ignorance is bliss! Heh.
Hannitized

Apparently you’ve never heard anyone tell you the they were going to go “a-fishin’”.

I have hear people say that your jokes suck……..bad. How should that be written?
http://www.toadpond.com/ SuperToad

I was writing it would sound if it were spoken.

This provides further proof — as if more were needed — that the Gummint Indoctrination Day Kamps (AKA ‘Skrewels’) are failing to perform their core responsibility to properly educate.
Banks

Hilarious!

Email these to Jeff Foxworthy to use in his act!

In these hard economic times, when people are facing loan default and foreclosure, it is important to keep a healthy sense of humor to preserve your sanity. Can you come up with any funny items for mortgage loan modification or mortgage modification?
Hannitized

Stick to being obnoxious and irrelevant, because your humor sucks…..bad.
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

Look at the little whiny goofball pretend he is relevant. Too funny.

Hanitized’s autobiography in twelve words!
Buzz

Just as in Texas, “business” is often pronounced “bidness”.

Yea they say that in Chicago Atlanta and Detroit also. Quit picking on the blacks racist.
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

kelly: Just ignore the trolls. We try to most of the time. It’s like trying to teach cosmology or philosophy to a two year old. They’re just so darn cute when they pretend they understand it!
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

Last April, when you Googled “peevish, whiny, little bitch“, references to Hannitized came up #2!

Since we’ve come up with more creative names for you, Hannitized as “peevish whiny little bitch” has dropped to #3 & 4.

Ooh! Sorry, Han-job! Your only claim to fame is slipping away from you!
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

I can’t help it if that’s the reputation you’ve garnered for yourself here…bitch. Heh.
Hannitized

Proper grammar is for English teachers who teach it. It is rarely used in novels or in common speech.

I was writing it would sound if it were spoken. Maybe you sound like a nerd when you talk. It’s why I am me, and you are you. Wouldn’t trade lives if you paid me.
Hannitized

Redneck understand, that’s a good one.

Swish!
Hannitized

Where your asset when you’re a-fishin’!

It’s not “a-fishin”, clueless and uneducated Poofy, the correct use of english language would require the use of the word: “fishing”.
Buzz

to help fellow rednecks understand the current situation.

Redneck understand, that’s a good one.

I wonder where it is still cool to be a redneck?
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

Stick to being obnoxious and irrelevant, because your humor sucks…..bad.(sic)

As soon as my humor is as bad as your grammar, spelling and comprehension, (which all suck badly – it’s adverbial, don’tcha know!) I’ll get out of the business! Heh.
Hannitized

…he might recognize that in literature, attempts are sometimes made to capture the flavor and essence of different regional accents and dialects.

You capture the lack of education that is prominent in conservative states adequately. But you don’t need to spell it out stupidly in order to make the….ehem…. joke.
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

It’s not “a-fishin”, clueless and uneducated Poofy, the correct use of english (sic) language would require the use of the word: “fishing”.

Apparently you’ve never heard anyone tell you the they were going to go “a-fishin’”. I have. Apparently you are clueless as to capitalization rules, as well as your well documented apostrophobia.

Thanks for demonstrating both your cluelessness and your humorlessness in one concise post!

For a comprehensive list of English words that Hannitized is unfamiliar with or unclear on the concept, go here.
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

You don’t have to use curse words to be funny. Your use of the term bitch, makes you look cheap and petty.

Had you followed the link, juvenile troll, you would have seen that I was quoting others who were saying it about you.

That makes you look cheap, petty and …stupid.

BTW, Hannitized: When I call you a peevish, whiny, little bitch, I’m just quoting others. That’s not my “interpretation”!

However, if the flip-flop fits…
http://www.qualitytattoosuppliers.com/ kellynight

I think it is only cool to be a redneck, way out in the middle of nowhere where they breed them! Anyways, ya’ll bicker to much, sound like a bunch of girls! lol
Kelly in Ohio
http://proof-proofpositive.blogspot.com/ proof_positive

That is a Finnish 20 mm Antitank-rifle called the L-39 “Elephant gun”.

Thanks, Greg! It’s nice to have an audience of folks who know which end the round comes out to offset the humorless trolls!
Hannitized

Agents of the Fed’al Guv’mint

Huh??? Are you attempting to write English Poofy?

It’s Government, not Gov’mint.

Leave it to Poofy the troll to attempt to teach his intellectual superior.
sayanything-4625

What is that thing?

That is a Finnish 20 mm Antitank-rifle called the L-39 “Elephant gun”.

I wonder where it is still cool to be a redneck?

Most places that have a sense of humor?
Edward Lunny

” What is that thing? “…Boyes anti-tank rifle, I think.
” Wouldn’t trade lives if you paid me.”…no risk there, I doubt that anyone would pay anything for your life. Based entirely upon your “comments” I find it difficult to believe that you have ever been paid for anything.
Hannitized

heard.
Hannitized

Look at the little whiny goofball pretend he is relevant. Too funny.

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