Say Anything Blog

I think another reason people may avoid getting married is the cost of divorce.  Alimony?  Palimony?  Lawyer fees?  Court fees?  It is insane.  Which doesn’t stop tons of people from getting divorced every year, but does probably give a lot of people pause before getting hitched.

The war against illegal plunder has been fought since the beginning of the world. But how is… legal plunder to be identified? Quite simply. See if the law takes from some persons what belongs to them, and gives it to other persons to whom it does not belong. See if the law benefits one citizen at the expense of another by doing what the citizen himself cannot do without committing a crime. Then abolish this law without delay … If such a law is not abolished immediately it will spread, multiply and develop into a system.

Frédéric Bastiat, The Law

Rob’s recently listened-to songs:

Rob, don’t rush me.  I plan on getting married.

But given some of the items in that list, I want to get married once - so I gotta make sure it’s the real deal. 

Jeebus, every day I am that much gladder to be a ‘tweener. Boomers suck and Xers are just spooky.

Boomers suck and Xers are just spooky.

Yeah. Me and Rob fall into that nebulously named "Generation Y". What the hell does that mean? I don’t know. I do know that I am different that most "Generation Xers" (I seem to have missed it by two or three years depending on which definition one goes by). People at my age (26) are also very different from those that are just a little bit younger.

I didn’t grow up having a cell phone and an e-mail account. Most Generation Y peeps did. I didn’t have the wonderful use of the Internet while in high school. I had to make do with old hard book encyclopedias. Only the few had a 56K Internet connection. I am not a kid taking boatloads of digital pictures. I had to make do with expensive to develop film.

It seems that most of what I just mentioned is technological and that is true. But it also plays into cultural, educational, communicative, and other differences. Technology, at this stage in development, is the vehicle.

I feel like people who are mine and Rob’s age are stuck between two very distinct age groups. We grew up a bit differently than people like Ian, "The Political Teen".

Of course, I just turned 29… so this may not even apply to me.

What are the cut-offs again? 

What are the cut-offs again?

Some say that the cutoff is 1980 or ‘81. Others say that the cutoff is around 1977.

I’d go with the 1977 mark. I was born in 1979 and I can tell that I just missed the cutoff.

Of course, that’s just my perspective…

Actually, it is more about when your parents were born. As in my case, both parents born pre-1941, they were not boomers. I was born in ‘61, outside the boomer envelope, before the Xers. Ys would be in your bracket, Lik. Jeebus, I was in Basic Training when you were being a borned. Thanks for making me feel old.

Count me in as believing that answer #3 is the key here.  Numbers 3 & 1 go together and self-reinforce.  Numbers 4 & 5 are way too boomerish for Gen Y.

If #2 & #6 really factor into the thinking of today’s youth, we all should become much more acquainted with the rules of the Great Firewall of China.

#7 applies only to Maureen Dowd types who figured out too late that being a catty man-hating bitch only attracts gay men. 

"In North Dakota she would already be married under common law”

I think if you check ND doesn’t recognize common law marriage

Phew!!!!!!!!!! All of you are so young. Darn I  am so old!!!! I shall demand respect from you young bucks. And please do get maried quickly. You  got to have children when you are young and strong.

Gene, commenting has it right.  No common law marriages in ND.

The war against illegal plunder has been fought since the beginning of the world. But how is… legal plunder to be identified? Quite simply. See if the law takes from some persons what belongs to them, and gives it to other persons to whom it does not belong. See if the law benefits one citizen at the expense of another by doing what the citizen himself cannot do without committing a crime. Then abolish this law without delay … If such a law is not abolished immediately it will spread, multiply and develop into a system.

Frédéric Bastiat, The Law

Rob’s recently listened-to songs:

Hey Lik you forgot to mention your abacus.

Yeah, I’m a ‘78 model and I don’t care much for the boomers.  My generation is still trying to recover from that social-experiment-gone-wrong that was the ‘60s.  We’re also going to get stuck with the true costs of all the defined benefit pensions and nanny state programs and resultant overspending on both the personal and state level that the boomers seem to think that they earned and deserve. 

The Xers are withdrawn.  I would be too if I went through the aftermath of the prior generation.

 
The Ys are obsessed with themselves.  If gen Y ends up screwed up (which they already are), I blame their parents: not enough discipline or plain old hard work.  By the way, are history and geograpy no longer subjects that are taught in school, ‘cuz I can’t have a decent conversation with these kids.  All they care about are sports and celebrities.  I don’t think they even know what the word ‘news’ means.

 
I consider myself an X-Y ‘tweener and I just go to work every day and try not to get caught in all of the traps laid out for us: from consumer credit to home equity loans to every ‘must have’ new gadget, fad, and craze to the next self gratifying vacation, purchase, etc.  Boomers suck.  Eventually someone has to cover the checks they’ve been writing.  I love my wife like no other and don’t plan on that ever changing.  And by the way, I’m happy with what I have and don’t understand why so many people are unhappy or feel that they are underpaid.  Despite all of the crap we’re dealing with today, we’ve still got it better than our grandparents ever dreamed for us, much less for themselves.

I did NOT know that Common Law Marriage was no longer recognized in ND.  Everytime I think fondly of good law in ND (Blue Laws and Common Law Marriage) I know I am thinking of far far away and long long ago.  In my little town of Ellendale way back in the middle of the last century we had people who lived together who became married.  So, it stands to reason I thought it still held. The curse of being anywhere for over 6 decades.  

One comment I really agree with is the one about having kids when you are young.  Particularly as a woman.  Your odds of concieving are expodentially reduced with every decade to the point of it being nil at the end of the 40s.  

And, kids are hard work.  I blame the fact that stasis has hit so hard.  Unmarried at 30 is a tough nut to crack. 

the AVATAR
Old Tigers are more dangerous when they believe this could be their last hunt.

From , “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”
Old tigers, sensing the end,
they’re at their most fierce. 
And they go down fighting.

Yes kids are a lot of work, but ya know something??

 There is nothing that compares to spoiling a grandchild and then sending them home to their parents. . . .

Somehow I’m reminded of the adage "no one buys the cow when he’s getting the milk for free."  That is, when women (and men) offer sex without the price of marriage, they’re going to end up with sex, but not the protections of marriage.

To me this is just a sign that "Generation X" is far more libertarian-minded than previous generations--they don’t need the government’s approval for their relationships.

Dave, I’d agree with you if younger people were, by and large, entering into truly long-term relationships similar to marriage in every way but the license.  That’s not what the data tell me, unfortunately.  Rather, the trend is "hookups" and "serial monogamy."

Yes, lots of people are getting married, but a lot aren’t.  And given that the married live longer, are happier, and (ahem) have more and better sex, it’s sad to see that many are cheating themselves of the benefits of marriage.

Dave, I’d agree with you if younger people were, by and large, entering into truly long-term relationships similar to marriage in every way but the license.  That’s not what the data tell me, unfortunately.  Rather, the trend is "hookups" and "serial monogamy."

That sounds true. However, I think that for a lot of people there just isn’t a huge difference between marriage and cohabitation, except that the government (and the religious community) prefer the former over the latter--nothing that really affects the couple.

And given that the married live longer, are happier, and (ahem) have more and better sex

I was married for 6 years and got divorced.  After being single for several years I met my current girlfriend and we’ve lived together for 7 years with no plans for marriage.  I can unequivocably say that I’m happier, have more and better sex now, and would rather live a shorter life in this condition than longer as a miserable married man. 

I was born in 1979 and know for sure that there are more sub groups than just generation X and Y - it is deffinitely related to the whole technology boom and in which part of it you grew up in ie. likewidshoe (28/02) and really a strict cutoff to age does not have much to do with it.  I also think that it depends on where and how you grew up as people from city areas, country areas, rich or poor backgrounds, levels of school technology funding etc.. would have affected this also.  So any group of people born in the same year as myself would not necessarily be true to any one particular generational ’type’!

 So Gene, I do not know your age but please do not lump all of us 20 to 40 somethings into the one basket you so impolitely shoved us in at the beginning of this discussion.

Also, I am 27 and am about to enjoy my 5th wedding anniversary with my husband.  We have actually been together 11 years this year so for me, this blows your theory of not wishing to marry out of the water.  Have you ever stopped to think that many people co-habit before marriage to get their careers and finances on track so that they can afford the marriage and house?  My husband and I (like many people of my age) wish to responsibly set themselves up for life without having to rely on family assistance!  We are personally very satisfied with the fact that we were able to set ourselves up in this way and it was a good growing experience to be able to work through all of these things prior to our marriage.  I went to a wedding recently where a friend of mine married a partner who looked scared stiff the entire way through the ceremony.  They had not organised how they were to ‘co-habit’ before the wedding day and to my mind this was half the reason for the scared expression on his face.   My husband, on the other hand, was beaming on the day that we wed (and I have the photo’s to prove it) and much of this was due to the fact that we had nutted out a lot of our financial and life goals together as a co-habiting couple before the big day.  We really knew that we could make this marriage last because we had both taken the time to get to know each other properly prior to the big day.  So please do not try to rush couples into marriage, they stand a much better chance of a great life together if they do things in their own time and as they see fit with both partners happy with the outcomes.

The 7 points mentioned above have validity; however, they seem to dispell the myth the authors of self-absorption, known as the baby boomers said when they were spinelessly giving up on their marriages when they said to themselves “children are resilient.”

That claim had no basis then, due to lack of sufficient data on large populations of children growing with divorce and now that those kids are now grown the results are in, I’d have to say “Myth Busted”

The boomers turned the institution of marriage into a temp job assignment before our eyes in our own homes and wonder why many of us are gun-shy to jump into it.  I’ve heard my friends say, I’m in no hurry to start my first bad marriage and go through my first divorce.  Where are the models for success in marriage for the X’ers?  We are on our own again, just like when we were the “latchkey kids”.  We were taught by their actions that if your not happy, or your sissified “needs aren’t being met” then just quit.

I have been married for 6 years with two boys and I have no expectation for the marriage to owe me happiness and therefore it is not a condition of me remaining in it.  Me and my wife, both children of divorce, vowed to never divorce because we made a life long committment that we are bound to honor regaurdless of our happiness etc.  (Amazing how this is almost a novel thought today when it used to be the standard) It’s just fortunate I suppose that with this being said we are cheerfully happy with one another and we consider the team before ourselves individually. 

The kids are actually for real our number one priorities whereas with boomers this is what they also say to make themselves feel good, but in practice they mean as long as it doesn’t interfere with their self-centered agenda, in which case they play the “child resiliency” card which once again serves the ever consuming goal of making themsleves feel good.

I don’t like how Generation X is afraid of marriage, but I’m hard pressed to criticize them when they were practically engineered to be marriage averse by their boomer parents.