Say Anything Blog

My sister emailed this to me. 

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” There is some concern that things will worsen and security levels will rapidly be raised yet again to “irritated” or even “a Bit Cross.” Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the 1940 blitz when tea supplies all but ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

On the continent, the French government announced yesterday it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” In order to understand how serious this is to the French, the only two higher levels are “Surrender” and “Collaborate.” A recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability, precipitated the rise.

It is not only the English and French that are on a heightened alert level.  A normally reliable source in Italy informs us that the alert level there has increased from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” The two remaining higher alert states are “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

In formerly militaristic Germany , the alert status has been raised from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Put on Your Best Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” Once again, the only two remaining alert levels are “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

In Belgium , on the other hand, they are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat that captures their attention is worry that NATO might pull out of Brussels .

Returning briefly to Italy , the Italians are excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Italian Navy can get a good look at the old Italian Navy.