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Monday, February 20, 2006

Almost Better Than the UAW

As Detroit's grandfather industry slowly crumbles down around the snakeskin shoes amid record profits, there will be a lot of people looking for a good benefits package, and certainly most organizations planning to post a profit (and interested in being able to actually stop paying laid off employees within a decade of their last day of work) are going to have to pass on matching the incredible health plans and vacation hours that the auto worker unions are capable of negotiating.

Perhaps Al Qaeda has something to offer them. Apparently the health and vacations benefits of being a guerilla terrorist are pretty good, provided you like non-Western medical care, of course. According to a press release from the Combatting Terrorism Center at West Point, in order to entice those who would probably think twice about blowing themselves up in town squares, the terrorist leaders are offering a regular salary, fully socialized health care (should make Hillary proud to know who's espousing her Health Care Reform Package), loan (we were under the impression Muslims didnt believe in loans...Al-Qaeda is sharking), furniture, disability and severance pacakages (probably more of the first and less of the second, and a few weeks of vacation, if you don't manage to die in the line of duty within a couple of weeks.

The even have a Mission Statment that is as contrived as the one your company committee meets to put together at least once a year as a cover for gratuitous donut consumption:

A religious group of the nation of Mohammad (God’s blessing and peace be upon him) whose faith is the faith of the believers in Sunna (profit teachings) and Jama’ah (consensus), are adopting Jihad as a method for change so that the ‘Word of God’ becomes supreme, and they (the group) are working to provoke Jihad, prepare for it, and exercise it by whatever means possible. The prophet said “There are those of my nation who are victorious and will stay victorious till the day they face their fate and die” narrated by (Al-Bukhari 252/4). And the Prophet also said: “There is still a group of my nation fighting for justice victorious over their enemy until the last of them fights the Antichrist” narrated by Abu Daud (The book of Jihad, Chapter 4)…


If you need medical care:

3- Medical Benefits
A- All (Al-Qa’eda) members can visit the medical staff and obtain medicine free of charge


And if you need a break from chasing the infidels and that complicated flight school homework, you can always take a week off.

8- Vacations:
A- For those who work in Peshawar, they are entitled for Fridays, the two holy feasts (TC: Al-Adha [during the pilgrimage month] & Al-Fatr [following the end of the month of Ramadan]), and a one month annual leave to be enjoyed at the end of the eleventh month of work, as well sick leave not to exceed 15 days
annually. B- Those working in camps and in the frontlines:
Married: Enjoys a 7 day monthly vacation.
Single: Enjoys a 5 day monthly vacation
This in addition to the annual and sick leaves mentioned in the above paragraph. *Page 11 of 19
C- If the vacation exceeds what is allowed, then, the relative salary will be withheld (prorated) except if those in responsible positions (in order of hierarchy) approve a holiday extension.


If it weren't an absolute joke, we'd swear we were reading the Swedish citizenship guidelines. Of course, in Sweden there isn't much job differential, which is not the case with the Al-Qaeda, who has an incredibly respectable hold on separation of powers.

Second: Decision Execution Branch (issued from the Security Committee):
This branch is divided into the following sections:
A- Investigations
B- Imprisonment & torture
C- Coordination & relations: This section is responsible for coordination with security entities outside the organization after approval from the leadership (Emirate).
D- Documents.


At least they've got that down. Heck, they're more organized than the Democratic Party.

The reality is, Al Qaedas benefits package is lacking a 401K, meaning, in no uncertain terms, that you aren't expected to be employed long, and turnover is high. The rest is just details: no matter how nice Socialized medicine sounds, when youre in three thousand little pieces, you won't be thinking about what the HMO is going to say about Fatimas physical therapy. Terrorism is a job choice that doesn't involve a lot of future prospect.

The most attractive thing about is is that, despite the risks, its a job, and with nearly 50% of the male youth unemployed in most Middle Eastern countries, it provides a way to support the family AND a way to take out their agression, which left unabated, would channel itself into less objectively positive things like, say, revolution and overthrow of the religious government. Its a form of control in so many different ways.

A little like the U A W.

Comments

Avatar for Steve L.

3- Medical Benefits
A- All (Al-Qa’eda) members can visit the medical staff and obtain medicine free of charge

What doctor would refuse free medical care to a terrorist.  I’m sure there are some incentives, such as keeping their heads, that makes doctors embrace these patients.

Steve L. on February 20, 2006 at 09:05 am
Avatar for 2Hotel9

Perhaps we should sic the UAW on them. In 50-60 years they would be gone. Just like steel and textiles in America.

2Hotel9 on February 20, 2006 at 02:14 pm
Rob
Rob
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This is what bothers me so much about the lefty jihad against Wal-Mart.  We have watched unions and lefty politicians slowly burden business in America until the businesses are left with no other choice than to either raise prices and cut back on expenses (read: employees).

Then these same people complain about losing jobs and rising prices.

Do they learn from their mistakes?  Hell no.  All they want to do is push their repressive policies on businesses that are actually prospering and adding jobs to the economy.

It just doesn’t make any sense. 


When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.

-- Thomas Jefferson

Rob’s recently listened-to songs:

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Rob on February 20, 2006 at 05:45 pm
Avatar for mcair

This is what bothers me so much about the lefty jihad against Wal-Mart.  We have watched unions and lefty politicians slowly burden business in America until the businesses are left with no other choice than to either raise prices and cut back on expenses (read: employees).

Sure, corporations are forced to ship jobs to low-wage countries because those damn unions keep insisting that US workers should be able to make a living wage and enjoy such luxuries as health care, and the prospect of not living their retirement in poverty. How dare they! Don’t they realize that everything belongs to the owners and the shareholders? It is only they that deserve a shot at owning their own home and to put their kids through college.

The schmucks that don’t own the business, and merely contribute to its existence with their time, energy and intellect deserve nothing. Don’t people realize that they were so much better off in the 1930’s before FDR fucked everything up? I say repeal the child-labor laws before it’s too late!

mcair on February 20, 2006 at 05:59 pm
Avatar for Steve L.

mcair, the problem is not about making a living wage or health care, it’s about unions and politicians telling a business owner how to run his business.  In a free market economy, everything is priced according to what it’s worth to society.  If society says that $1.50 is a reasonable price to pay for a loaf of bread, the bread salesmen need to figure out a way to sell it for $1.50.  If that means that they have to pay the bakers $6.00 an hour, then that’s what society has indirectly decided that bread bakers are worth.  If you want to open your own bread business and charge $3.00 a loaf and pay your bakers $12.00 an hour, you can do that.  You better be able to convince the consumer that your bread is twice as good as the other loaf otherwise, no one will buy it.

Now, let’s look at that $1.50 loaf again.  Suppose that the government requires you to pay 8% for health care (sound familiar?).  That means that you must raise the price of your bread to keep up with the increased costs.  Since society has determined that $1.50 is a reasonable price for bread, you have a problem.  The other option is to lower your costs to offset the government-mandated programs.  If you don’t do one of those two things, you willl be out of business and all of your employees will be out of jobs.  If you take one of the two actions, either the consumers or the employees pay for the regulation.

Everyone that screams for these types of mandates seem to believe that companies have huge piles of money that they sit on.  It’s not that way.  These days, margins in most businesses are razor-thin.  They can’t easily absorb extra costs without passing them on in one way or another.

Steve L. on February 21, 2006 at 04:25 am
Avatar for likwidshoe

mcair blurts, Sure, corporations are forced to ship jobs to low-wage countries because those damn unions keep insisting that US workers should be able to make a living wage and enjoy such luxuries as health care, and the prospect of not living their retirement in poverty. How dare they! Don’t they realize that everything belongs to the owners and the shareholders? It is only they that deserve a shot at owning their own home and to put their kids through college.

The schmucks that don’t own the business, and merely contribute to its existence with their time, energy and intellect deserve nothing. Don’t people realize that they were so much better off in the 1930’s before FDR fucked everything up? I say repeal the child-labor laws before it’s too late!

Your childish emotions on this matter do not negate the fact that the businesses will move to an environment where it is easier to do business.

likwidshoe on February 21, 2006 at 04:45 am
Avatar for Bat One

Likwidshoe,

You could have just stopped at "McAir blurts..." 

Bat One on February 21, 2006 at 08:54 am
Avatar for robert108

Steve L: Great points.  One more thing:  although the lefties think this is a consumer economy, the reality is that it’s a reinvestment economy.  To stay in business, you have to reinvest a lot of your profits to keep up with your competition.  Unions and govt regulations kill the goose that lays the golden eggs: investment.

robert108 on February 21, 2006 at 08:55 am
Avatar for mcair

Steve,

The problem is the erosion of the middle class. You overlook the fact that those workers having pay and benefits reduced to match whatever the going rates in the low-wage country with which they are now forced to compete are also consumers of the goods they formerly produced. People don’t buy many homes and cars when they are making $10/hour. Companies that offshore are killing the goose that laid the golden egg.

The race-to-the-bottom improves a company’s bottom line only in the shortterm. The social safety-net also becomes strained as more people start qualifying for welfare and medicaid etc (although most on this board would have those programs eliminated, provided it didn’t impact them or their family).

mcair on February 21, 2006 at 09:35 am
Avatar for likwidshoe

The problem is the erosion of the middle class.

The middle class is eroding from one end. People are moving into the upper class.

As far as Americans go - we earn more, spend more, and invest more than ever before. You talk as if most of us are getting poorer.

likwidshoe on February 21, 2006 at 09:41 am
Avatar for robert108

mcair: The workers are "forced to compete" with low wage countries because labor unions and govt regulations make it necessary. Home ownership is way up, so that point you try to make is just false. Trying to overtax and overregulate companies is wrong. If you then try to force them to stay here, they simply go broke. Is that what you want? Safety nets simply encourage risky behavior; watch Fear Factor sometime. The race to the bottom is a feature of socialist economies, not ours. Please read some basic econ.

robert108 on February 21, 2006 at 09:48 am
Avatar for robert108

Getting back to the original theme of this thread, it’s interesting to see how Al Qaeda has adopted the economic and political philosophy of the American Left.

robert108 on February 21, 2006 at 09:50 am
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